Kind of Love

(Something from quite a while ago. Can hardly stand that I wrote it. Hopefully someone else can get something out of it).

I'm sad at the fears you have
The ones where you believe that you'd be in debt to someone
If they came through for you in the ways you needed
That's not true
It hurts my heart that you believe that
Yes, partly because I long to help you and can't
Aware that you won't let me
But also because the others who could and would
Can't because you're not receptive to their offerings
And you'd argue and say that you are
But you're not, not fully
You open yourself up to a limited to degree
Or maybe, maybe that's just to me
And there's something else they get to see
Those things you don't trust me with
That exist way down in the depths of you
The ones that I'd only love you for
But you just don't believe
You think that I'd give love and support just for show
I guess
And for some reason the others give you assurance and confidence
That their support is authentic
In the ways I don't know how to
That would speak truth to you
Yet mine is equal to or greater than
Funny how that works

I wish you'd come to me in your darkest moments
Not to give you light
But to help you find it
To help you learn how to create it
So that each time you get lost
You can always find yourself
And if you needed a helping hand
You could look for me
Knowing I'd be there to pull you out of the shadows
Without expectation
I would be there for you
With the only condition being
That you remain open and receptive

I wish you would have tried
At least a few times
To reach out for my hand
To explore where it would take you
And to see where you ended up
Before deciding where my capabilities lie
Or what my true intentions are
And before concluding what I'd do to you during and after the wreckage
Instead of thinking without knowing

I believe my hands were meant for your broken pieces
To tenderly touch and soothe the sorrow within
To guide you slowly towards the life that you want
And all that I know you can be
To carry you through when you're too weak to try
To lift you up to find the strength to rise high
To sprinkle love on the places you forgot to tend to
During times where ice came before you knew
These hands were not going to bind your threads to me
Any binding you do was always your choice
My fingers would only sort through the scatter
To give you back to yourself intact

Who knows why you shoot at me arrows of distrust
I'm too weak from you hitting your target
Over and over with precision
To figure it out
My chest burns and aches
Sometimes I wake up in flames
What Falls from my eyes is the only water I have to save me
And it doesn't, it just takes me under
I choke on unheard expressions
And lose my breath in missed connections
Because what more can I infer
From your actions and lack of words
But that I don't make you feel safe
And that I never did

My love, my kind love
Must have not been your kind of love
I can't make you feel
This kind of love