Suicidal Idol

I feel like I'm goin 130 on the off ramp,
Life was the destination but I'm debating taking an early exit,
Looking in my rear view I see an empty car seat,
And I wonder,
How do you tell the person who gives you life that you're ready to take yours?
How can my wife explain to our son that daddy helped create his life,
Then turned around and took his own,
What kind of a man am I to abandon my family,
How can I expect my son, at a year and half, to grow into a better man than I,
If I am not here,
I brought him into this fucked up world and refused to fight and fix it beside him,
For him, With him, Because of him,
What kind of a man am I?
I,
Am a suicidal man,
My wife is a soon to be widow,
My son, at a year and half, would grow up without his father,
My son, at a year and a half,
From 25 miles away,
While sleeping in his pack-N-play,
Eases his small size five foot,
onto the break,
I begin to slow to a stop at the red light,
His small hands interwoven with mine,
As he sleeps peacefully dreaming,
Now the green lights gleaming,
And he helps me steer into a U-turn,
Going 65 the whole way back home,
Where my son, at a year and half,
Is sleeping in his pack-N-play,
Peacefully dreaming,
About the night he saved daddy's life.