Effortless

Effortless
The comfort of our companionship
The smoothly flowing rhythms of repeatedly enjoying one another's company
Week after week, month after month
Effortless
The attraction I've felt for you
Since the first day we met...
Deep.
The bond I have connecting me to who
you are
Beautiful
The person I see inside your mind
Making me feel like I'm not the only one of my kind
Flawed
As imperfect as I am, you exist in your own universe
Universally controlled by the same Creator as mine
Strained
My attempts to keep you at arms length
To force away the feelings that live inside threatening to burst open my soul and destroy me.
Choking
Back emotions and confusion,
Choking back the sob I stifle as our bodies finally entwine in the manor in which I've only ever dreamed they may...
Safe.
I feel so safe in your arms...
But hurt so much from the words you uttered only a few short months ago.
Is your rejection still legitimate? -Has it expired?
Do you still feel nothing for me?
How can you caress me like no one else has ever done before and feel nothing?
How can you run your fingers through my hair, hold me close to your body all night, keep finding my hand on the dark
And feel nothing?
Respect
The thing you gave me more than any other man ever had
Until now?
Is it respectful? What we're doing...
You said the words yourself -things that people don't typically do if they're just friends...
Long ago you stated that you could be dating someone without them really knowing it,
But you told me you don't see me that way...
You want the pilot; an adventurer, someone with uncommon dreams and seemingly inattainable goals... Like you.
Are my goals not big enough for you?
You called me beautiful.
You repeated to me my perceptions of you: "You have the body of a goddess" -I wrote long ago that you have the body of a young god... And I told you so the other night.
Do you return this compliment now to further torture me? To taunt me?
'You're pretty but I don't want you, maybe someone else will...'
What do you want from me?
To caress and massage my entire body stimulating the release of the bonding oxytocin throughout my entire system to further infatuate me with you and then return to school and do this all with someone else?
You told me the first night that you trust me.
You haven't touched a woman in years...
Am I a quick fix until you find someone else who is good enough? Because I'm still looking...
"You're so beautiful..." The intense look on your face when you held me and then said those words is branded into my memory, I cannot erase it from my mind or stop dwelling on it...
"Uh, thanks..." I responded, thinking *but that doesn't make you want me, does it...*
Effortless
Suddenly, Nothing feels effortless anymore.