deepundergroundpoetry.com
Wounded
Too much to do.
As if being comfortable in my skin
Wasn't challenge enough
Feed the beast within
I must too.
A hunger for power.
But also warmth. And security.
From blows to the body
And the heart too.
Such is a presence
That tugs at my being.
I'm scared to think
What it may do.
Mindless fire.
Lends me its power.
It drives the doing
In all that I do.
When it's safe, it's the brightest.
Brilliant, generous, mightiest.
It is a friend,
If I'm to be true.
Yet tragic irony
Haunts my friend.
It's too cruel a design
To continue.
The moments we both need
Its valiance and strength
To shine bright, and far,
And all-through..
Those moments seem to come,
With icy emotions from a beloved
Indifference, abandon,
"I don't want to talk to you."
My wild friend is simple.
He rarely sees it coming.
No patience, no forgiveness.
It has no concept of virtue.
Confused at the pain.
And suffering it goes through.
It blames me, for this hurt so deep.
A pain he forgot he knew.
In agony, he cries.
Clawing for breath, he lies.
As if the very air had rejected him.
Refused him to draw breath anew.
No patience, no forgiveness.
"Revenge!" upon me, he assesses.
Bloodshot eyes, and
Demonic existence, for a day or two.
Tame him if I can,
Holding my own sorrow back,
For these two days?
Then the worst is through.
The object of my love,
Has long forgotten me.
The beast's fire has subsided.
But the ice is yet to ensue.
Getting this far
Seals my fate.
Locks me in with my primal part.
Just us two.
"All of my power,
My vigor and my strength.
Even my happiness
I shared with you.
"And in turn, this?
This is what you brought me to?
"I will feed on you.
And everything you enjoy.
For some time,
I will become you.
"Your friends may notice.
Your family may notice.
But this is your doing,
You chose to.
"I will sulk and curse
And hurt and thunder.
"For some time,
Your pain I will drink.
To become whole again.
To be bigger. Stronger. To renew.
"You will not have my friendship.
Nor anything resembling joy.
Until I'm stronger
This I swear to.
"I can't help but be
Disgusted by you.
Such a gift this could have been
But fucking look at you.
"When I am stronger,
This will not happen again.
I will not let you love.
Until you learn to love yourself again."
I listen to the beast
Talk through me, unto me.
It's a shame to see myself
So full of loathing yet so mute.
"I will give you your time" I say.
Not like I have a choice before you.
My valiant friend seemed to forget.
The same love had jinxed him too.
Thoroughly depressed though I am to continue,
I want to remind my power, my fire.
"It is not that what you hate, just happened to conquer us both.
It is because it conquered us both, that you hate it too.
And because I let it, you hate me too."
As if being comfortable in my skin
Wasn't challenge enough
Feed the beast within
I must too.
A hunger for power.
But also warmth. And security.
From blows to the body
And the heart too.
Such is a presence
That tugs at my being.
I'm scared to think
What it may do.
Mindless fire.
Lends me its power.
It drives the doing
In all that I do.
When it's safe, it's the brightest.
Brilliant, generous, mightiest.
It is a friend,
If I'm to be true.
Yet tragic irony
Haunts my friend.
It's too cruel a design
To continue.
The moments we both need
Its valiance and strength
To shine bright, and far,
And all-through..
Those moments seem to come,
With icy emotions from a beloved
Indifference, abandon,
"I don't want to talk to you."
My wild friend is simple.
He rarely sees it coming.
No patience, no forgiveness.
It has no concept of virtue.
Confused at the pain.
And suffering it goes through.
It blames me, for this hurt so deep.
A pain he forgot he knew.
In agony, he cries.
Clawing for breath, he lies.
As if the very air had rejected him.
Refused him to draw breath anew.
No patience, no forgiveness.
"Revenge!" upon me, he assesses.
Bloodshot eyes, and
Demonic existence, for a day or two.
Tame him if I can,
Holding my own sorrow back,
For these two days?
Then the worst is through.
The object of my love,
Has long forgotten me.
The beast's fire has subsided.
But the ice is yet to ensue.
Getting this far
Seals my fate.
Locks me in with my primal part.
Just us two.
"All of my power,
My vigor and my strength.
Even my happiness
I shared with you.
"And in turn, this?
This is what you brought me to?
"I will feed on you.
And everything you enjoy.
For some time,
I will become you.
"Your friends may notice.
Your family may notice.
But this is your doing,
You chose to.
"I will sulk and curse
And hurt and thunder.
"For some time,
Your pain I will drink.
To become whole again.
To be bigger. Stronger. To renew.
"You will not have my friendship.
Nor anything resembling joy.
Until I'm stronger
This I swear to.
"I can't help but be
Disgusted by you.
Such a gift this could have been
But fucking look at you.
"When I am stronger,
This will not happen again.
I will not let you love.
Until you learn to love yourself again."
I listen to the beast
Talk through me, unto me.
It's a shame to see myself
So full of loathing yet so mute.
"I will give you your time" I say.
Not like I have a choice before you.
My valiant friend seemed to forget.
The same love had jinxed him too.
Thoroughly depressed though I am to continue,
I want to remind my power, my fire.
"It is not that what you hate, just happened to conquer us both.
It is because it conquered us both, that you hate it too.
And because I let it, you hate me too."
Published 6th Aug 2017
| Edited 12th Aug 2021
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