For My Mom Today

Mom. I think you've been gone
Almost a year now. I understand
So much I didn't before. I think
Everything you sat at your desk

And worried about I now worry
About endlessly too. I wonder
When they're coming to take
The house, I worry about the

Electricity getting shut off and
The water stopping again. You
Were someone who craved
Order and neatness, that's what

You needed to be calm and okay.
It makes me sad because I
Couldn't manage to give you that
When you were alive. We
Seemed to have so much stuff

When Varity was young. I had
Stuff, and she did, and you loved
Clothes and shoes and jewelry,
Those are the things that made

You happy and feel good. In so
Many ways I wish I could be like
You, I wish I could take that
Much comfort in inanimate

Objects, because I tend to love
The things that speak and
Breathe, and they don't always
Love me back. I feel like you'd be

Happy to know I'm really clean
And tidy now. Though all your
Beautiful furniture is gone
Because I sold it to pay bills,
My room which was your room

Is always nice and neat, I can't
Even go to bed with it being
Messy anymore. I miss you
Dearly today. I know you are in

My brother's room, where I think
You are happiest, because he
Was definitely your baby, and I
Understand completely. He

Made you laugh a lot. I angered
You a lot. But you did tell me
Once that you and I had
Something special, you could

Talk to me about art and music
And films and love and romance.
For some reason your favorite
Poem of mine was that one

About me talking about how I felt when I was working in the
Funeral home, how I believed
There were no ghosts there

Because I felt like those people
Had already gone to heaven
And they were happy and okay.
In my heart you're in heaven too,

And shopping like crazy. And you
Have a credit card with no limit.
I love you so much Mom.
And I want to make you proud

Somehow. I understand so much
Now that I didn't before. And I
Want to say I had the best Mom
In the whole world, and you'd

Laugh I think, because I'm just
As feisty and opinionated
And in your face as you now,
But in a different way perhaps.

I love you Mom.
And I miss you today.