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First love destruction
So someone could they tell me why the first love is always doomed to die?
Is it the gods will that every first love be destined to hurt the most.
To require the most healing?
And my eyes? They burn and never stop.
My entire body fights me in the worst of ways and I find myself hoping to die.
My chest is tight
my lungs find it hard to suck in breath
and my throat collapses on me at small pin like thoughts that won't go away.
There isn't a good enough actor in the world to lose their love and completely act the same as before.
Because nothing is the same.
The joy in my life has drained away with their leaving.
The best friend I thought I'd always have suddenly said sayonara.
And in comparison everything else is a joke.
Or a test of my restraint, A test to my skill at deluding myself
How long can I pretend I don't want to scream and cry and hit every available surface I can find.
How long can I convince myself not to destroy everything in my life in an attempt to express this unimaginable hole that is swallowing me whole. How Long?
When I blink, A smirk, wickedly lit deep brown eyes, smooth black hair.
A curve here, a pocket there.
When I lay down to rest I can hear the voice that kept me calm during a rage, or the soft singing that lulled me off or even the loud giggles that made me creep smiles
Why is first love so unfair? Why does it dangle sweetness in front of you like a treat leading you forever until it is over. And it's over so quickly or so it seems. It always seems there was not enough time. Always wish that there could have been more. Always wish that more was forever and ever.
I hate love and I love my love. I hate my life and fight myself to keep it together. because it seems as if at any moment of any second I will snap.
War will destroy us all they say.
What is more destructive than one who loves another.
Is it the gods will that every first love be destined to hurt the most.
To require the most healing?
And my eyes? They burn and never stop.
My entire body fights me in the worst of ways and I find myself hoping to die.
My chest is tight
my lungs find it hard to suck in breath
and my throat collapses on me at small pin like thoughts that won't go away.
There isn't a good enough actor in the world to lose their love and completely act the same as before.
Because nothing is the same.
The joy in my life has drained away with their leaving.
The best friend I thought I'd always have suddenly said sayonara.
And in comparison everything else is a joke.
Or a test of my restraint, A test to my skill at deluding myself
How long can I pretend I don't want to scream and cry and hit every available surface I can find.
How long can I convince myself not to destroy everything in my life in an attempt to express this unimaginable hole that is swallowing me whole. How Long?
When I blink, A smirk, wickedly lit deep brown eyes, smooth black hair.
A curve here, a pocket there.
When I lay down to rest I can hear the voice that kept me calm during a rage, or the soft singing that lulled me off or even the loud giggles that made me creep smiles
Why is first love so unfair? Why does it dangle sweetness in front of you like a treat leading you forever until it is over. And it's over so quickly or so it seems. It always seems there was not enough time. Always wish that there could have been more. Always wish that more was forever and ever.
I hate love and I love my love. I hate my life and fight myself to keep it together. because it seems as if at any moment of any second I will snap.
War will destroy us all they say.
What is more destructive than one who loves another.
Published 31st Jul 2017
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31st Jul 2017 8:09pm
