DIRTY SWINE.

I arrive at his house I depart off the dirty bus
Don’t want to draw attention, don’t want to make a fuss
I must be as discreet as I can
If I want to successfully carry off my plan
I pace the street up and down
I can’t wait to set eyes upon John Brown
I stand outside his address
His garden is unkempt, a total mess
I look up at the window and I am almost certain
Someone is watching me from behind the curtain
I walk slowly up and down
How do I introduce myself to John Brown?

After ten minutes of pacing and stroking my chin
I decide that I’m going to break in!
From the corner of my eye I can see an open window
Not the one at the top but one below
I climb in slowly, I’m not in a rush
I need to be silent, I need to hush
I climb through, there’s mess everywhere
The carpets are old, worn and thread bare
The curtains are stained a nicotine yellow
That John Brown is one dirty fellow

The living room resembles a car boot sale
It stinks so much that I don’t want to inhale
I can see plastic bottles which look like they’re full of urine
That John Brown is a dirty swine
The room is full of boxes and microwave meals
Propped in the corner are two motorbike wheels
The carpet is covered inch deep in cat’s hair
Dirt, grime and junk everywhere
Slowly I creep into the kitchen
My whole body is literally itching

Hell the kitchen is just as bad!
No sign of detergent or a soap pad
There is food trodden into the ground
I’m sure I can hear a scratching sound
Chances are it’s not his cats
It’s more likely to be bloody rats
The sink is crawling with maggots and Thread worms
A paradise for infectious germs
The floor is scattered with dirty pants and socks
John deserves to be pelted in the stocks

There is a door which looks like it leads into a conservatory
I think I will leave that room be
I don’t really want to venture in there
I don’t think that I will bother to dare
Cautiously I tiptoe my way upstairs
The stair carpet is covered in even more hairs
The toilet is covered in grime and scum
And what looks like the contents left from John’s bum
The bath is lined with a tidemark and layered with dirt
On the floor is a manky shirt
Does John know that laundry goes into a basket?
Well this one looks as though it belongs in a casket!
The bathroom sink is stained and so is the chrome
How can anyone call this a home?
The bed is a mess; it hasn’t been made
The floor is scattered with cans of coke and Lemonade

Under the bed are some plastic bags
Full to the brim with porno mags
He has a very large collection
I’ll leave them as I might catch an infection
The rubbish on his bed is thick and deep
Where the hell does this guy sleep?
I need to leave this house and leave really quick
Think I’m going to be physically sick