I was once normal

I was thirteen,
All I wanted to do was smoke that green.
Made friends along the way,
Just to find out I was the one in the gray.
A guy I thought was there,
Was only part of a dare.
The lines were clean and deep,
All I wanted to do was sleep.
A week goes by,
I'll give life another try.
How will my friends ever understand.
I was fourteen,
I felt like a queen.
At least for awhile,
Until I saw your smile.
You saved me yet killed me,
Only to leave me.
Those pills were like water,
I didn't want to be a bother.
I was alone for another week,
Letting out yet another shriek.
All those times I held that knife to my chest,
I couldn't even get a good night rest.
I'm numb at this point,
Being the only one sitting in the back of this joint.
People look at me with disgust.
I almost have no more trust.
I was fifteen,
Only to be stuck in between.
He caused a scene,
She was with a machine.
I didn't understand why,
All I did was cry.
She told him to leave,
Who was I to believe?
Pills were my only friend,
I truly wanted it to be the end.
Yet another week,
All I did was get called a freak.
How will by boyfriend ever understand.
I am nineteen,
With a history.
I will always be a mystery.
these scars tell a story,
Yet all I can say is that I'm sorry.
how will anyone understand.
I am torn side to side,
I only remember the times I cried.
My smile is fake,
All I want to do is drown in a lake.