You Don't Want Me

If I died now would it be a sin?
If I died now would you love me then?  
If I told you that I slit my wrists?  
Would you soothe my wounds with a pleasant kiss?  
  
If I told you mother would you even care?  
Would you come kneel by my side sister dear?  
Oh brother where art thou within this hell?
Little ones trying to coax me from my shell..  
   
Would you hold me tight and whisper a sweet prayer  
So that God and his bright angels could be near?  
All I ask is that you see me as I am  
Not this poor disgusting monster of a lamb  
   
I make every attempt to smile and hide  
So many feelings that are buried deep inside  
They make you sad so I lock them away  
Then silently go about my day  
   
Don't worry you won't see them anymore  
That's what my knife and razor blade are for  
They're always their to quickly numb the pain  
So I'll forget and cry hard in the rain  
   
I'll never understand this twisted place  
It gifts you first then leaves a sour taste  
I musn't let you see these words I write  
For that will surely amp my fuel to die  
   
I love you very much and I must say  
This love I give you surely give away  
I'd love for God to help me see this through  
To help me see the countless wrongs I do  
   
Your heart's a precious lock so hard and cold  
It keeps the dirt and never finds the gold  
And if I die my love will always be  
The part you never wanted the key