A BROKEN MAN.

I arrive at my home, plonk myself on a chair
Memories of Betty are scattered everywhere
Tired, dehydrated and thirsty
I trundle into the kitchen to make coffee
With the teaspoon I slowly stir my drink
Lose track of time, wistfully think
Why is Betty dead? Why is she not here?
Why did I lose someone so dear?
Must I live in sorrow for the rest of my life?
Being taunted by memories of my wife?
Do I wrap myself in these memories?
Or let them cruelly taunt and tease?
Must I live forever in pain and sorrow?
Facing the day, dreading tomorrow
Reluctantly breathing, suffering each day
Every morning being forced to pay
Not wanting to get up from bed
Inside I am hollow and internally dead

How can I bring my son up alone?
Raise him until he is fully grown?
How do I tell him how his mother died?
Must I explain how many tears I’ve cried?
All these questions are driving me insane
Nothing is registering in my brain
I don’t want to think any longer
Don’t want this coffee, need something stronger
I pour a whiskey, my sorrows I drown
I need a drink before I have a breakdown
The drink is not helping it is making things worse
Everything at the moment is so perverse
I’m drowning in a pit of angst and depression
All I feel is rage and aggression
Wrestling the demons that live inside
No where for them to run, duck or hide
They don’t want to hide, they want to torture me
Can almost see them rubbing their hands with glee
How do I conquer them? Where do I begin?
How do I delve into the depths within?

I wish I could exorcise them, make them go away
But they are with me each and every day
My mind is slow and fragile
And there so hyper and agile
We’re not compatible and never will be
Wish someone would exorcise them and set me free
What are they looking for? What will they find?
What will they discover in this broken mind?
They’re playing around with my frontal lobes
Spinning them around like ornamental globes
My coping mechanism is on the frizz
It’s broken forever... I know it is
I am the victim, they the perpetrators
Have me crawling around deliriously on all fours
They are carrying out a criminal act
It’s not just my mind that they have attacked
My heart is wounded it will never heal
Living in hope has lost its appeal
I feel like drinking myself into a drunken stupor
Drink and drink until I can drink no more

I’m crushed, broken beyond any repair
Don’t give a damn. I don’t bloody care
Can’t move forwards, I’m stuck in a ruck
Hollow and empty, I don’t give a fuck
When I look into my soul all I can see
Is a murky pond of misery
No dreams for the future, my life is bleak
My heart is empty, my will is weak
I’m a shadow of the man I used to be
I’ll never get over losing Betty