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is it raining where you are ? was your day gloomy and full of clouds in the sky ? did you wake up this morning full of emotion not knowing if you wanted to laugh or wanted to cry ? did you go for a drive somewhere just aimlessly because you didn't want to be alone, did you get high today to deal with the frustration of not being in your own home ? have you thought of me at all or am I just an erased figment in your mind ? i hate that I can't hate you back, fantasies of a different outcome is all I fucking find. something tells me that i'm the only one who cares too much, i wish i could not be phased i wish i gave absolutely no fucks!! but i am hooked. your personality which is so polarly  opposite from mine has me all the way shook. i wanted to be the one that could show you how to feel. i was hoping that you could be the one to help me learn how to deal. but all i got was constant criticism and backhanded compliments. if the shoe was on the other foot i would never want you to feel the way i was feeling hurtful words is not a good way to vent. i don't want to feel this emotion for you anymore. but like always my heart and mind is way too delicate to allow these feelings to be ignored. i just want to sink into the floor. these are the moments i truly abhor...is the wrong person u end up having feelings for supposed to be the light that hopefully opens up new doors ? to bring you chances to someone else that you can sincerely adore ? what is it that I'm chasing ,these experiences have been equivalent to a drug addicts high, my mind always ends up racing to send me back in front of the mirror were its ultimately me that I'm facing.