Wanting This Every Day

Powerful and beautiful

Thank you.

A beautiful sincere account and a well constructed poem.

Thank you.

I agree with Kexby.

You
Let me breathe and be myself.

There's the fuel for Becoming vs the stagnant air of control.

The only thing I saw to suggest was:

You cannot be the one who harms
Me and catch me from the high shelf,
Right into your waiting arms.

I think the middle line could be reworked to remove a " me ". This would eliminate the repetition and allow for a smoother transition from harm to safety.

I agree with Ahavati. I think it best not to  repeat in the same sentence  indeed  not in the same stanza; this adds to the moment when one DOES repeat. Grammar must not interfere with the poetry, rhythm, especially asymmetric ( like plainsong chanting) with its give-and- take will be present good or bad; therefore worthwhile cultivating. As one composes, read the words as you write Remember there is often beat within  words. Some,including poets do not understand the value of good presentation act the words as you read ( slowly and quietly, then people will listen) . . . . .listen to the great actors. do not be afraid to edit, rewrite or throw away. Look upon your pen as a brush then paint.

Thanks for the suggestion.

A lovely read es, with honest sentiment...your heart is seen here on the page.

Xoxo Taryn

Thanks Taryn.