Vascillation

How do I say something with firm conviction?        
I am steadfastly convicted that I have no conviction!        
This my friend, is what leads to addiction        
A demoralizing hunt for escapism        
A shred of dubious optimism        
Is it a mere case of hypothyroidism?        
Are all my toxic thoughts alluding to my hunger for cynicism?        
Why can't my body just find its implicit rhythm?        
       
Please  
Please just dig my grave beyond the ocean floor        
My ever growing emptiness is not a benign sore        
A tenacious tedious grasp eating at my murky core       
       
Am I in a state of contraction?      
Is it possible that what I am feeling is a reaction?      
To the resistance of mother earths comely attraction?      
Am I the newborn being called to action?        
My hands could very well let loose from this inherent traction!    
       
Anxiety is the giddiness of manumission         
It's okay, I'll be here  
Tell me when to succumb to natures predisposition.