Right Next to You

All I can say on this one is... Lol. It's been a night. And day. And week. And lifetime. I just let myself be free with this one in bed. Under the covers on my phone. Nice and warm. Just wish he was here, the one I talk about on this poem, probably the most silly and embarrassing thing I've ever written. But I think it won't surprise people. I needed to give this to myself tonight because I'm very fortunate I was accepted on Literotica... I was blessed to be asked to do stories by a couple of guys. I've said this a lot lately. I think guys need kink... Just what they need. I understand completely. Tonight though I needed to give myself what I need. I'm going to bed now. I'll be fantasizing he's with me. I had to do a "boy crazy" image search. I found this image. I absolutely love it. It goes on my Instagram in the morning. Thanks so much.

______

I keep hoping your face will show up somewhere.
I think I'll know you when I see you. The one who
Would make me burn inside and for some reason
I'd do the same for you. I'd somehow mean more
To you than I do to every guy I meet. Tonight I
Desperately need release. But it's that time of the
Month and that's just not a pretty idea right now.
I have a picture of a guy on my phone. Someone
Who I think is really cute. I'd be embarrassed to
Say right now. I can't stop looking at his shoulders.
Just the sight of his shoulders right now… Oh my
God. Sometimes I feel so unwanted by men I turn
To this fantasy I made up years ago. He's a dark
Angel with wings. He lies behind me and pulls me
Into his arms, into the warm safe pocket of his
Body. Do you know I love men so much that it
Turns me on when I see male pronouns… Just
The word male… He. Him. His. Oh my God. So
Very nice. Daddy. Father. Son. Boy. Dude. Master.
Captain. My lord. My liege. My king. My prince.
Are you out there somewhere tonight… I think I've
Been longing so much for you lately. When I was
A young girl, I saw him in my mind. Dark hair.
Glasses, because for some reason glasses are
Really nice to me. Soft boyish face. I have to admit
For some reason during the first couple of days of
My period my libido becomes super-powered,
Even worse than it is usually. I can't describe to
You what I feel for you, whomever you are,
Wherever you might be tonight. My body… It's
Just a pit of fire. That's all it is. I've always been
This way ever since I can remember. I always
Remember being so aware of the boys. There's
That word again. Boys. I love that word so much.
When I was a young girl I wanted a boy so much,
The need was so strong I'd touch myself a lot, not
Just sexually but I'd put my arms around myself
And pretend they were his. If you don't think about
What you're doing it feels so real for about half a
Second. It feels so good. I used to cry so much
Over boys. I'm so used to them leaving me now.
It doesn't really hurt anymore. I expect them to
Leave me, or if they do come back I know it's just
Not because they need me but because I was
Good at making them feel good, or so they say.
I keep hoping I'll see your face someday.
Sometimes I think it's you. But then he starts
Talking and I realize just from the words he's using
He's not you, the one who would somehow really
Need me. Like I need you so very badly. I wish
I could describe just the way my stomach feels
Right now. Thinking about you. Oh God why does
My body need you so much. It's always needed
You. It's needed you for exactly thirty two years,
Because I was about eleven when it started to get
Really bad, the constant need in me for you, the
Way I started searching for you everywhere.
I wonder… Are you really real? Are you perhaps
Alive right now? Are you maybe asleep? Oh God.
Just the thought of you lying down asleep, your
Eyes closed, your face… Are other girls like this?
When I was younger it didn't seem like they felt
As strongly as I did about the boys. All my life…
That one thing that fascinated and pulled me
More than anything… The boys. I hope you're
Okay tonight if you're out there somewhere. I
Love you so very much. I wish you were here
Behind me now. For some reason, ever since
I was a young girl, I'd need you behind me…
I wonder what that means… Right now I can't
Stop pretending you're behind me. Pressed close
Against me. I can almost imagine it perfectly.
Please don't move. Please push yourself closer
To me. I love you. Get some sleep. I'll be
Right here next to you.