5: 84:  Love And War

Excerpt 84 from Journal 5: 'Reaching My True Love'
   -From 'Journals To My True Love, Part 2'

The heart holds the only flag it has even in a fierce wind...
For it endlessly believes in its homeland where it was sustained and grown...
A flag must be unfurled to be aloft it is not meant to be folded and packaged...
Even in the death of what it symbolizes, it must be worn and displayed...
Its story must be shouted and read aloud and even etched in stone...
The world must view and thus read it for it to matter...
                                     ---
My Love, our flag waves to say goodbye to fallen comrades,
   even those lost in the war of the love game...
There are no true winners like in real war, but much carnage on
   both sides...
A part of me died when you did and I can only pay tribute
   to this sacrifice...
In my heart, you never aged but were eternally young and you
   died this way...
I never let you grow old because my dreams of you originated
   in my own youth where my own naiive conceptions created
   you into being...
I wanted to hold you captive there like a prisoner of war...
But you were too illusive to stay and it fueled my anger and
   frustration and I beat upon you with this story...
Although I saw you waving a flag of peace I fought you anyway
   and exposed you to the enemy of harsh realization even as I
   was facing the same thing in my life as circumstances were
   breaking me down...
I wave that same flag as our story is the tribute...
You have become my great war hero who endured the
   trials and tribulations of my desires even as you fought
   all of your own...
We were both heroes in our own inner wars and although
   there are no winners or losers we both have our scars
   and awards...
How beautiful is my hero...
In war there is no real forgiveness, only resignation and
   surrender, but surrender is hard won and fought against;
   it is defeat...
You have defeated me as I have you...
There is no victory in defeat...
In a dark world where I needed a hero desperately I
   envisioned and saw you in my mind; then you emerged
   in real life as real men whom were out of reach...
It drove me insane, but I must end the insanity and the battle...
I let you go unfurl into the wind to fly free, I will always honor you...
I let you fall as you endure the trials of my scrutinizing you
   even as you are felled by lifes harsh circumstances...
The fallen man automatically becomes a hero despite how
   formidable and dangerous he once was, and resistant to love...
For with him, the hopes of victory fall as well and the hopes of love...
The man who dies young will always be a hero
   even if he never fought to live....
This is how the humble man becomes a hero...
And this is how he wins a womans heart...
When his fierce potential is tamed in death he
   becomes lovable...
I love what I cannot conquer and attain...
I love that which mysteriously and intangibly
  slips through my fingers like water...
I love what leaves me empty but full of hope and inspiration...
I love only my true opponent who does not requite me...
I love the burn and sting of battle to so aliven me....
I love this war and this is the irony of true love...