deepundergroundpoetry.com
Forgotten
Last night I had a dream
Just when I thought
I had forgotten you
Once again you appear.
To again feel those emotions
As I looked into your eyes
And it was your voice I did hear.
Causing me to remember
The feel of your touch
The warmth of your body
And the softness of your lips upon mine.
When you left me
It crushed me and my heart turned cold
Now you appear before me
And I'm reminded
Of how it use to be
When you were here for me to hold.
As I reached out to touch you
You smiled and began to fade
Once again you leave me here
So alone and cold
In the darkness and afraid.
Just when I thought
I had forgotten you
Once again you appear.
To again feel those emotions
As I looked into your eyes
And it was your voice I did hear.
Causing me to remember
The feel of your touch
The warmth of your body
And the softness of your lips upon mine.
When you left me
It crushed me and my heart turned cold
Now you appear before me
And I'm reminded
Of how it use to be
When you were here for me to hold.
As I reached out to touch you
You smiled and began to fade
Once again you leave me here
So alone and cold
In the darkness and afraid.
Published 28th Aug 2011
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likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 8
reads 1003
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
28th Aug 2011 2:55am
Oh wow!! I felt your emotion in this piece. I loved its despair and its momentary elation. Perfectly put togethet!
28th Aug 2011 3:05am
Anonymous
28th Aug 2011 4:39am
<< post removed >>
Awe I'm happy you liked it so much dear....lay your dreamy head upon my soft clouds and dream away
Anonymous
28th Aug 2011 6:14pm
<< post removed >>
nice job dawn.
i got some good critique on a poem i wrote a while ago. it was about tense and mixing past tense with present tense. there are some places where you have done the same, it is easy to fix though.
Last night I had a dream
Just when I thought
I had forgotten you
Once again you appeared*.
To feel those emotions *once *more
As I looked into your eyes
And it was your voice I *heard
*it *Caused me to remember
The feel of your touch
The warmth of your body
And the softness of your lips upon mine.
When you left me
It crushed me, and my heart turned cold
Now you appear before me
And I'm reminded
Of how it use to be
When you were here for me to hold.
(this stanza i am unsure of because past and present seem to blend.maybe someone who is sure might comment)
As I reached out to touch you
You smiled and began to fade
Once again you *left me here
So alone and cold
In the darkness and afraid
hope that made some sense.
great job b.t.w
i got some good critique on a poem i wrote a while ago. it was about tense and mixing past tense with present tense. there are some places where you have done the same, it is easy to fix though.
Last night I had a dream
Just when I thought
I had forgotten you
Once again you appeared*.
To feel those emotions *once *more
As I looked into your eyes
And it was your voice I *heard
*it *Caused me to remember
The feel of your touch
The warmth of your body
And the softness of your lips upon mine.
When you left me
It crushed me, and my heart turned cold
Now you appear before me
And I'm reminded
Of how it use to be
When you were here for me to hold.
(this stanza i am unsure of because past and present seem to blend.maybe someone who is sure might comment)
As I reached out to touch you
You smiled and began to fade
Once again you *left me here
So alone and cold
In the darkness and afraid
hope that made some sense.
great job b.t.w
28th Aug 2011 5:04am
30th Aug 2011 1:12am
