Sweet Nothing

I had that dream again,
the one that I've been having since June 8th last year.
It's the same thing every single time.
It's strange that I've yet to grow tired of it.
Stranger that it keeps returning night after night.

I'm how I want to be,
who I want to be.
I'm on stage at the Xfinity Center in Mansfield, Mass.
I can breathe and I can move and I can smile.
I can feel my heart beat in my chest.
My skin is warm again and I am alive.
Finally free.

And then I wake up.
Chains dragging behind me as I walk from my bed to the kitchen.
Choke down some pills that keep me from killing myself.
Back to bed.
Shut the world out.
Practice your music until your fingers literally blister and bleed.
It's the only thing that can save you.
It's the only thing that matters.
Do anything and everything despite how horrible
to get on that stage.
It's the only thing that matters.

I'd much rather die a thousand agonizing deaths than ever give it up
or fail completely.