The Everyday Looper

At my best I thought,    
pinched the nerves,    
your fascination turns into interrogation,    
simple words subside into frustration    
   
there is nothing to procrastinate,    
or is this my so called fate,    
whispers from drunken voices,    
its up to you to make wrong choices    
   
my bones feel shattered,    
my head feels completely scattered,    
the light bulb starts to flicker,    
causing massive convolutions    
   
or is this just in my head,    
I decided to roll over in bed,    
trying so hard to focus,    
my eyes still burns from the night before,    
have I completely become a bore    
   
flipping through channels,    
I started to become overwhelmed by tunnels,    
electricity flashes before my eyes,    
I started to catch myself cry    
   
for what was the reason for this,    
maybe I caught my self in the abyss,    
the abyss of darkness,    
self preservation,    
self pity,    
right now I feel so damn gritty    
   
I hop in the shower,    
imagining I was in a tower,    
away from the pain,    
a light I can see off in the rain  
   
splashes heavy,    
with the sounds of lightning keeping me steady,    
woken from my imagination,    
yet so scary, yet so intriguing,    
yet so amazing    
   
head to the bar,    
order myself some whiskey,    
trying so hard to get the burn,    
instead it just flows,    
I decided to turn,    
look over my shoulder,    
notice a gal gazing back at me    
   
I look away knowing she may see,    
a man wilting in agony,    
not wanting to cause attention to myself,    
she comes over to ask me if I want a drink,    
I said no I am fine,  
   
stood up chugged my drink and walked out in a crooked line,    
walking in my daze,  
I realize what I've been going through has been nothing but a phase,    
a phase re-entered since the beginning,    
   
a feeling that has always kept me spinning,    
I shall play along for now,    
in this lush filled city town,    
where secrets are told,    
where people don't shut their mouth and let themselves unfold,  
if things go wrong at least I knew I told myself so,    
I know I'll eventually walk alone in this old city cold.