Fantastic Lore: A Product Scam

*in an attempt to make this story read more coherently, I give you another offering from my bro. Mine will soon follow.*


“Why this is completely ridiculous! Those incredulous, attention-seeking pieces of trash! I can’t figure for the life of me, why the authorities can’t stop this rash, vile behavior!” This came from a voice filled with disgust; from some man reading a defaced billboard: IN BROOKLYN WE TRUST!

The man sighed and shook his head at the graffiti: fuming 'hot'. Then he stood to board an approaching bus. At that moment, he saw a huge, black check mark with red lettering painted on its side: X marks the spot!

He snapped at the driver, “I thought these things were supposed to be graffiti-proof to foil any scoundrel’s plot!” He snapped, “I wish their paint cans would rot!” He boarded, paid his fare and plopped down in the only open seat up front.  “Mister, you can’t sit there! Give the seat up for that lady coming aboard in a wheelchair…”

The man coughed, burped and stared at the driver before finally getting up. The driver snickered and shook his head saying, “My man, I think you had one too many in your cup. If you have a problem, you can get out and walk. I’m just doing my job so don’t squawk with me chief.”

That man was seething underneath his breath. He felt some tightness on his feet. So he looked to the floor. It was Shoe whispering to him from under his seat, “Hey, grind your teeth and bare it! We made such a narrow escape back there in the alley. I won’t share a cell with those other nit-wits who got caught. So ride this bad-baby in silence. I brought you this far didn’t I?”

The man let loose a sigh glancing out of the windows. Shoe tightened on his bunion, “I—said: didn’t I?!”

“OUCH! Yes! Yes, you have! I just don’t want us to be outdone by those other guys…”

Slowly, the man peered about to see if anyone had paid any attention to him. But in New York, this kind of thing happened so much, no one cared as long as he wasn’t talking to them.

Several blocks away, the fantastic crew were anxious about Threadbare’s condition. Foolie Lou said, “Well what do you think Fuller—you used to work in a kitchen?” Fuller thought for a second; then remarked, “Foolie Lou, when I was USED in the kitchen, it had nothing to do with rust of any kind. You tell us: you have similar threading to him. What comes to your mind?”

Foolie Lou started rolling and pacing up and down the grass. He wished he had paid more attention to these sort of things that came up all the time in shop class.

Buck-L nudged Charlie, “Do you remember if I ever got a case of rust?”

“Naaah. Crust maybe. But believe me, with all of our experience, you never had time to get rusty.” Charlie winked at Buck-L then turned back to Foolie Lou.

Foolie blurted out, “Oooh!! I know! It was oil! Oil can lube him and make him feel like new! BOO YAKA BOO YAKA!! That’s what we need to do!”

Fuller motioned to his son Youth Fuller who snapped to, “I’m on it dad!” then whisked away with some plates to find something to lubricate Threadbare.

Red said, “Straw you know, it ain’t fare about that false advertising across town! I realize we’re one-down, but I would like to pay that back-swiping marker Green a visit!” Markie echoed Red, “That’s right! He lives at the corner of Pain & Pressure! We can relocate him to a downsized-flat that we’d be happy to measure!”

Dixie interrupted, “Fellas: you guys have been through a lot together. I don’t think Green’s a rat or some double-agent secretly keeping stats on you guys. Granted, he used to be full of envy, that much is true. Though he used to taunt Blue, he helped us to save Incky and you know how much she means to me.”

Red snickered sarcastically, “I see. So Green is a hero? Some kinda super-marker? Is that what you mean?”

Straw interjected, “Red, Dixie might have a point. I mean, hasn’t he been watching over your little sister? Why anoint him for that big role if you have trust issues?” Red’s capped popped off and hit Snap-Ohn who fell backwards onto some dirty tissues.

“You better watch who you’re talk’n to Straw! My money’s on me that it won’t be a draw if we go at it!” Charlie started popping loudly to caution Red. Buck-L flipped over Straw’s head yelling, “Better tread light!”

Markie glanced around and said, “So this what happens when you guys think you’re right?!”

Fuller took in the entire scene and figured out what to do. “Come with me you two!” he said to Red and Straw. “Raw, base emotions are at work here guys. Fly with me and let’s see what these false signs are all about. It’s essential to rid us all of doubt.”

Fuller whisked them up and in his trademark style and darted off with a small contingent of his Foam Plate Squad. They went whirling, twirling and zipping through the city near Brooklyn’s Promenade. Dixie, Charlie and Buck-L stood there clueless.

Markie reluctantly apologized, “What a mess. I think our priorities have been shaken. I didn’t mean to snap at you all, but it’s like my identity’s been taken…”

Unknown to them all, Hi-Light was meeting with a strong, dark brush on the side of an art supply store behind a bag of trash.

“I did what you asked Mr. Light. Now what about that cash?” said the brush—‘Black-Out’.

Hi-Light laughed so loud that the owner of the store came outside looking around but didn’t notice them and went back in. “You see my friend—just hang in there with me and I promise you: I’ll show YOU how to really blend.”