deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dep
Life is shattered, lost, and confusing
I feel as if there was no way I could keep breathing
What's the point, if I've lost everything I live for?
The pain I feel inside just keeps growing
Each ragged breath rips a hole in my chest
The tormenting thoughts and nightmares suffocate
Any hope of peace tonight, just like every night
The restlessness is exhausting
But I'm so tired I cant sleep
They tried to fix me with happy pills
And an old shrink who dug under my nails
With shards of glass
Trying to get me to scream
But the meds only threw me farther down the abyss
Of self loathing hatred and regret
It's like rappelling down the side of a mountain
As fast as you can go,
But there are no strings or cords attached
Nothing to catch your fall when you do
The crooked, prying ways of the shrink
Sent me farther back into the pits of hell
Inside my mind that terrify me to no end
But nevermore than the thought of spilling my guts
To someone who's paid to care about your problems
Listening to your words with an expensive smile
Plastered upon their faces
All they see are dollar signs,,
And all I try and see is a way out
Like everyone who's ever been involved with me
They run, because they see the ticking time bomb
Inside of me
They see my shaking hands and quivering smile
My bloodshot eyes and the last cigarette
From a pack bought an hour ago hanging from my lips
The empty cans strewn about my room,
Have an essence of liquid fire
I try everything I can to drown out this agony
That is never ending and torturous
I wake most nights from a struggling sleep with tears
Racing down my face and fighting to breathe through the fear
I wear my mothers ashes around my neck
In the hopes that I dont feel so alone anymore
But all I can do is call her voicemail to hear her voice
One last time, as i do it again
and again
She was found in the floor, stone cold
With a cigar in her mouth
And the pack in her hand
With one lucky flipped upside down
Most nights I clutch those cigars as close as I can
And weep for what I have lost
I am so tired of fighting this life I
have struggled so hard to make bearable
For me to exist inside of peacefully
Life has an impeccable way of timing
Just when you're becoming adjusted to the
Feeling of being content, and calm
Your mother dies 10 days before your birthday.
What's the fucking point, if at the end of all this, you're just fertilizer for sustaining life that you have seemingly failed at maintaining.
I suppose I can become worm food a little earlier than planned..
I feel as if there was no way I could keep breathing
What's the point, if I've lost everything I live for?
The pain I feel inside just keeps growing
Each ragged breath rips a hole in my chest
The tormenting thoughts and nightmares suffocate
Any hope of peace tonight, just like every night
The restlessness is exhausting
But I'm so tired I cant sleep
They tried to fix me with happy pills
And an old shrink who dug under my nails
With shards of glass
Trying to get me to scream
But the meds only threw me farther down the abyss
Of self loathing hatred and regret
It's like rappelling down the side of a mountain
As fast as you can go,
But there are no strings or cords attached
Nothing to catch your fall when you do
The crooked, prying ways of the shrink
Sent me farther back into the pits of hell
Inside my mind that terrify me to no end
But nevermore than the thought of spilling my guts
To someone who's paid to care about your problems
Listening to your words with an expensive smile
Plastered upon their faces
All they see are dollar signs,,
And all I try and see is a way out
Like everyone who's ever been involved with me
They run, because they see the ticking time bomb
Inside of me
They see my shaking hands and quivering smile
My bloodshot eyes and the last cigarette
From a pack bought an hour ago hanging from my lips
The empty cans strewn about my room,
Have an essence of liquid fire
I try everything I can to drown out this agony
That is never ending and torturous
I wake most nights from a struggling sleep with tears
Racing down my face and fighting to breathe through the fear
I wear my mothers ashes around my neck
In the hopes that I dont feel so alone anymore
But all I can do is call her voicemail to hear her voice
One last time, as i do it again
and again
She was found in the floor, stone cold
With a cigar in her mouth
And the pack in her hand
With one lucky flipped upside down
Most nights I clutch those cigars as close as I can
And weep for what I have lost
I am so tired of fighting this life I
have struggled so hard to make bearable
For me to exist inside of peacefully
Life has an impeccable way of timing
Just when you're becoming adjusted to the
Feeling of being content, and calm
Your mother dies 10 days before your birthday.
What's the fucking point, if at the end of all this, you're just fertilizer for sustaining life that you have seemingly failed at maintaining.
I suppose I can become worm food a little earlier than planned..
Published 3rd Apr 2017
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3rd Apr 2017 7:15am
Oh. Wow. This is very dark and depressing, I can feel the trauma. I'm very sad because I understand what you're feeling. I know how hard it is when things keep happening all at once, and worse how just when you think things are getting back to normal, you get punched and knocked right back down. I think although therapy has good intentions, finding people who are good at the job and in it for the right reasons it the tough part. The part about your mother breaks my heart. I hope that you are able to somehow find some light that can lead you out of this awful place.
