deepundergroundpoetry.com
Phoenix
Phoenix rising
fiery sparks
spiral upwards
to dance with
ethereal elementals
in ebony skies
sloughing earthly bonds
and entanglements
freedom awaits
igniting desires
long forgotten
reborn flesh sings
and rejoices
in euphoria
magnificent flight
crescendoing
explosions ignite
luminous radiance
plummeting back
into depths of despair
Prometheus bound
fiery sparks
spiral upwards
to dance with
ethereal elementals
in ebony skies
sloughing earthly bonds
and entanglements
freedom awaits
igniting desires
long forgotten
reborn flesh sings
and rejoices
in euphoria
magnificent flight
crescendoing
explosions ignite
luminous radiance
plummeting back
into depths of despair
Prometheus bound
Published 22nd Aug 2011
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6th Dec 2011 8:28pm
This is a good start for a solid poem :) The imagery is a bit cliched to me, but I'm sure you could liven it up a bit with a little revision.
Technique-wise, I wonder about the lack of punctuation; it makes the poem look like one big run-on sentence. It's difficult to read when all the thoughts flow into each other that way - while that can work for some types of poetry, this really isn't one of them. Using periods and commas would give your poem a sense of rhythm and clarity of thought it doesn't currently have.
As far as I can tell, you have at least three sentences - one ends on "entanglements," another on "euphoria," then the final lines. I would suggest looking at those places to decide where to end one thought and begin another :)
Hope this was helpful!
Technique-wise, I wonder about the lack of punctuation; it makes the poem look like one big run-on sentence. It's difficult to read when all the thoughts flow into each other that way - while that can work for some types of poetry, this really isn't one of them. Using periods and commas would give your poem a sense of rhythm and clarity of thought it doesn't currently have.
As far as I can tell, you have at least three sentences - one ends on "entanglements," another on "euphoria," then the final lines. I would suggest looking at those places to decide where to end one thought and begin another :)
Hope this was helpful!
