MMXVII

I've been put in the ground, without dying...-Azap HG (Huseyin Gülsevdi
 
I am a nothing
in eyes of fire.  
 
They do not burn
in lakes of flame
for me, anymore...  
 
did they ever?
 
I  
  sit six feet
deep in a grave
of my own making...
 
    p l e a s e...  
spare me the
hate and
tear me  
apart----
 
when I was younger
I
was proposed to
& this
guy  
could smile and
i'd be
swept in the waves
of his  
  toxicity  
 
Dearest you,  
 
I am still me
a little more
broken.  
 
a little more
lost.  
  But I am still me.  
 
I remembered
your birthday
'Happy birthday, brother
I love you so so much..'  
 
Would I have made a good
wife?
 
Probably not
Honest to God
but I would have
worn my olive skin
to the whitest bone
& exploited my superiority.  
 
For you...
 
When you went
away, I
slept in your bed
&  
it was like sleeping
on rocks  
   the springs were blades
your cat was a symbol
of how much you could love.  
 
2007-2008
 
I was crushing then
your girl was pretty
your words were venom
she left.  
 
I stayed
 
On staying:
 
i.  
tell me where I belong
tell me where i can
lay my head
 
What does your  
heart sound like?
 
'Sweetheart
you never talk to me
don't be scared.. it's okay
i'm here..'
 
Where is here?
You aren't in my
definition of the
word...
 
'bro'  
 
I am
older now
I am waste
the sewers have
rejected.  
 
Please
come
and
rescue  
me.  
 
"She's talking to a friend, on Skype..."  
you protected me. Against the angsty tide
of prying tongues.  
 
How sweet your  
tongue was
whispering sweet
somethings to ears
who hadn't heard
poetry before..  
 
Let me read to you, what are you studying? I'll read
you the book...
 
Your English was  
less broken than my heart
 
I used to c r y
when you left
to go play sports
with friends.  
Basketball...
How I envied the
   game for
having so much
of your  
  a t t e n t i o n  
 
But I fucked up, sweetheart, I know I did.
 
We could have been
and you would have
saved me from the
seven circles of hell
I am in now.  
 
Anyway..I'm
sorry. I may
never see
you again.
 
-- You've stopped calling me  
'My sweet'  
   I don't
argue.  
 
I bow my head
walk away
knowing i've muddied
the waters...  
 
 
 
------------------AUTHOR'S NOTES-------------------
FUCK THIS SHITTTTTTT....................