salem

Where do I start.... start at the beginning, Missy. God. Ok...

I was drawn to this first of all because of the title. I am so unbelievably interested in witchcraft. Specifically, English witchcraft of the 1600's. I've read up on it, I watch programmes, I've visited places. I've grown up with folklore and mystery. So yeah, Salem was a big pull to my interests.

Your first stanza very much reminded of the law of attraction (google it) - but this first stanza is very ethical. Clinical, almost. I like how it idealises this person in the poem as something delicate, something that you would not want to harm. Then it descends into this almost hex like state. Like this person is almost placing you under an involuntary trance. I love the transient from the innocent, to the almost quite sinister.

In the spirit of honest critique, I'm wondering if the last three lines are needed at all. They don't seem to relate as well to the rest of the poem, especially all that magic that is weaved in the previous stanza. Seems a little bit of a blunt ending.

Also "for only to pluck flowers from thin air" also has me kinda stumbling. I'm wondering about removing the "for"? I dunno.

That aside, the magic in this, is definitely the journey. I love that you've used Salem as a title. I love that it suggests this haunting, harrowing, bewitching image. Not just magical, but dark, and sinister, and obsessive also.

I'd say Happy Valentine's Day, but I'm backing away slowly armed with a broom... 😂

Thanks for the read.

Well, honest critiques don't get any better than that!    
   
Thanks Missy for your support and excellent feedback, you really challenged me to sort out the last lines and your interpretation was interesting.  
   
I read "The Crucible" again last year, after studying the play years ago back in high school.  I enjoyed it heaps more this time round, now that I'm older, and possibly more cultured, ahem... definitely an intense read and one of my favourite plays.    
   
Thanks again, I'm so stoked with the poem after those little tweaks.

The effects of ingesting toxic corn fungus....or truly falling under the spell of a seductive sorceress....not love, but a fatal attraction--to be sure!
 What was it really like in Salem, circa the 1600"s??? i mean,during the witch trials, that nasty corn--if t h a t's what it actually was-- may have infected not only the accused, but the accusers as well!

Although this piece varies--somewhat-- from your more common themes, it still bears one of your classic qualities: that signature undertone of dark,sensuality.( O...the irony of the "forbidden"........lol)

This one speaks to my darker side!

A stirring scribe--indeed.....
 

  

"...not love, but a fatal attraction--to be sure!" Love that!  
 
I seriously had no idea I had a signature of dark sensuality... :)  And Salem, don't get me started, but I reckon it may have been the toxic fungus corn flakes.  
 
Thank heaps for your awesome comment, Enchantress, I'm stoked this piece touched your darkside.

awesome my brother
loved these lines:

"an effect even more asphyxiating        
if one was exposed to her lethal gaze"

Brother, I'm stoked you loved those lines, you saved me from spending more time editing. Thanks heaps for dropping by for a read.

and lose my good name       
      
on any blessed day of this life  

That is about as solid as you can land in the shadow of losing yourself as they come.  Typically the woman loses hers and gains his; however, for him to lose his is powerful. And that you equate it with blessed is interesting in that you willingly submit.  

I love the inference to the anointing being blasphemous...as though religion would taint the natural beauty.  

I really enjoyed it, case.

Oh, my dear Ahavati, I'm so stoked by you comments on the last lines.  I spent a bit of time editing and changing the last few lines, so it's really cool to get such positive feedback on the edits. Thank you so much for your feedback, I get a kick out of reading people's interpretations, thoughts and stuff that they got out of the poem. Shine on, lady!

It's interesting case what comes to us when we read another's words...your title on first reading for me triggered the muslim greeting, i.e. 'as-salamu alaykum' and it's reply 'wa alaykum al-salam' and that's how I read the poem, i.e. a non-muslim gazing upon a muslim woman whether in the hijab or nijab and being besotted by the beautiful essence emanating from her...maybe those muslim women who dress this way are the modern day witches portrayed in The Salem Witch Trials, misunderstood by their desire to cover themselves in public.
I always enjoy reading your words  :-)

Interesting interpretation of the poem.  I could see the cultural connections you identified with the imagery and theme of the poem.  It's a bit of a spin out how a poem can have a completely different meaning when viewed from a different perspective.

Thanks heaps for sharing your thoughts, Kate. Always enjoy your comments.

right there at the burnings;
so true, don't mess with a witch.
this is just really entertaining...

“Sometimes being a witch is all a woman's got to hold on to.” Stephen King

Thanks heaps for your comment, Mr Feddeler.

Beautiful manly being.

I assume you've read the poem and are referring to the protagonist infatuated with his witch... thank you for your womanly comment.

each time i read this,its like jolt revolt   a stunner,  n what..i dunn know.
but need more of such.  to read on n on..
its like u weave such fine strings of love from apocalyptic magmatic flows!   such easy?!
the killer missiles u have employed to bring forth a tenderness that's life a love...in the veils of forbiddeness or fatality or so ..all only adds  to the 'magic' and 'daredevilness'.
A classic this to me..& what makes it so, at once flashing Laila-Majnu, Anarkali-Salim,Ambikapathi-Amaravathi, Romeo-Juliet etc etc......is just that peeking intensity u build on. the language & words dont seem to stand before the overall essence a reader is stuck with..Magnetism n gravities are not spelt.  just felt.and,  you do extremely well to capture here

makes me remind of classic Tamil love verses often quoted  (its revolutionary poet Subramanya Bharati I presume)  – done in the same style

கடைக்கண் பார்வை தனில் கண்ணி தம் காட்டிவிட்டால்  
மண்ணில் குமாருக்கு மாமலையும் ஓர் கடுகாம்”

(Roughly I translate)
To him, the mountain of mountains is in measures
of a mustard grain, when she spells~signals a slight side glance

shine on infinite, case. tq:)

Uma! Wow! Thank you for your awesome comment.  If my poem is a killer missile to you then I'm blown away too! Thanks you for sharing the beautiful translation of the Tamil love poem.  I feel honoured that you shared a part of your culture with me... and thank you for inspiring an idea for a spoken word comp.

holy shit! this is it. didn't know you were back man.


i dont want to critique this... i might ruin its beauty. i think your edit hit me harder than it hit the ones that read the original, since im reading this in april.

just this instant smile, man... in so many lines just... fuck. it's how i wish i wrote or see myself writing.

'Holy shit' was pretty much the same words I said to myself when I wrote this poem.  You know how inspiration unfolds, sometimes these poems write themselves.  The language and the idea for the poem was also influenced by books by Wilde and Miller... and one stunning beauty. Thanks heaps for dropping by man.

absolute pleasure, mate.