You see me as beautiful

When you look at my eyes you see me as beautiful. You see a girl who dosnt know how much she means to you. You see a girl who is afraid to go out alone becasue she's socially awkward. You think it's cute, becasue that means I'll always call on you if I want to go somewhere. You see a girl who loves to cuddle while falling asleep. You see a girl who loves scalding hot water. And I'll close my eyes and wince a little when it hits my back but I'll smile ever so slightly at the hurt. You see a girl who tries to be intimidating when she works, but no one is scared of me. They see right through me. You see a girl who is friendly towards everyone, it seems like I know everyone I see. It's always " hey! How's it going?" Or " long time no see?" But that's not what I see.
     I don't see me as beautiful. No matter how many times you say it or how many times you tell me. I see me as easily replaceable because whenever you don't txt me back I feel as though you hate me, or that I'm annoying to you. I see me as the girl every guy wants to take advantage of. I see me as afraid to go out alone becasue I hate the attention, I hate the loneliness. I see me as loving to cuddle up to you becasue without you I'm in the fetal position holding myself tight wishing for your warmth. It's the only way I can sleep. And it leaves me tired in the morning, waking up every other hour. I hate sleeping alone becasue it brings out my inner demons. I see me as loving the heat from the water while I shower becasue the pain is great. Just like I love tattoos and piercings. Becasue it's a safe pain. I see me as being kind and nice and smiling on the outside but being sad and angry on the inside. It's like a blank stare. A thousand mile stare. A stare into dark deep thoughts. Thoughts of failure, of sadness and abandonment. What you see I don't. And you're lucky becasue what I see would make you run. And I'm not ready for that.