Walking Alone

I am traversing the wilderness in solitude  
the solitary existence is both a gift and a curse  
that double edged sword of life's experiences  
 
For my youth it felt like the exploration of the opposite sex
passed me by like a cruise boat in full splendor  
that eventual interaction less memorable then anticipated  
not seeing the forest from the trees  
 
A shadow fell over any potential encounter  
perhaps mostly in my head  
the bipolar events coming with undergrad  
a roller coaster felt traveled alone  
 
Even now it seems I am looking where the desires aren't reciprocated  
perhaps my years solo have created tendencies never to be changed  
 the two closest females both totally platonic
 sister-in law deeming me "passive aggressive",  
and a sister by another mother whose time expired in December  
 
The question of being unlovable has often filled my mind  
or the lack of uber confidence in courting  
the status of "just being a friend"  
or women not ready or willing to make that kind of investment  
 
I can walk that stretch of road alone  
for the students provide a type of nourishment  
guiding the future peacemakers  
the four legged creatures who insist that all humans  
give some attention  
 
Great many hours spent with the muse of word crafting  
and those six and four string instruments with strings  
if an inanimate object can be identified as a friend  
even over books they fit the bill  
 
And still there are moments when a yearning  
feels deeply unmet when  
only a woman's touch seems to be the answer  
 
The darkness presents a challenge I must face by myself?
so perhaps I need to keep reciting that wisdom  
if you are struggling it is best to keep moving  
don't stay in that same perplexed state  
 
And so the wilderness awaits....