AUTO-PROMOTION

Sorry I’m late, I’ve just hopped off the plane,
Was summoned for skills that have brought me much fame

I was in Greenland. Yes really, an unusual place to go,
Because I’m the best salesmen in the world, you know

Why was I there? Well, selling snow of course,
Snow! I know, their most common natural resource

To the Eskimos nonetheless, they bought a truckload,
I’ve a new product for you, your mind’s gonna explode.

It’s young, fresh, exciting, fun, playful and stunning,
You better snap up this deal now before it goes running

Buy it, you’ll be the talk of the town - I promise you,
I’ve got others in wait, trust me it’s true

This product can dance, this product can sing,
In fact, this product can do most anything

This product can clean, this product can knit
Whatever you want, this product can do it

It’s ready right now, you can have it right away,
And it could be yours if you only just pay

Every dream that you had, every pleasure fulfilled,
No need for refunds, because you’ll be thrilled

In fact, there’s no end to its possibilities,
It’s goal, aim and objective is just to please

Honestly, it really is the ultimate prize,
Make a demand and watch as it complies,

What more do you want? What else to advertise?
What dreams do you have? Just fantasise…

Speak them aloud and it will leap into action
What does it look like? I hope I meet your satisfaction

I’m selling myself, I’m the product you see,
Name the price and forever yours I will be

I’m made only just to submit to your will,
Any option is yours: fuck, marry or kill

I’m one of a kind, a willing slave for sale,
Buy me now, snap me up. Let me be your fairytale.