Shame

So many hearts..
I took them in my hands
threw them in the trash
and I listened to them crash
as they landed and every crack
every sound as they smashed into fragments
tore at whatever remained of myself

It couldnt be helped
hellbent on destruction
I listened to the instructions
of a madman
he put the drink in my hand
to numb the pain I inflicted
and let fester and become infected
with the disease that is apathy

I have no apologies
they melt on my tongue
before the air can pass through my lungs
it's unfair for them to see
what's now become of me
oh what is success
but a race to become the best?
they think I'm so happy
living life the way I have
yet I'm unhappy
so unhappy
but free

I close my eyes at night
and dream of starless skies
I dream of their eyes
their eyes loved me
their arms held me
oh they wanted to be with me
and love me the best they could

In the end I killed them
in the end I watched them die
so many hearts I laid to waste
so many thoughts I tried to erase
all these memories tearing into me
I never sleep in peace
I never dream sweet dreams
not when I close my eyes
and I see their tears
not when I close my eyes
and remember their fear
not when I close my eyes
and remember how they held me dear..

they're no longer here
no longer here
for the apologies
wanting to leave my tongue
for the regret, the pain
the shame..

They're no longer here
I am broken

I now feel shame