deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Light of Love
The faint sensory of snow dissolves from my mouth as a splash of who she is crashes over this moment, Like a subtle draft of something lavender, soft like a lily, a scent to last me a lifetime, as our hands fold into each others, like petals after the changing seasons. your heavy hearted eyes lift my spirit in one slow movement, the ice of my recent endeavors melts over me and seeps comforting warmth into the sky that surrounds us. The unreal feeling that nothing can touch us, no ground under our steps, with no bounds to this earth, a fear of landing on the wrong footing has only satisfied the timelessness you trap me in, with your kiss, we fall deeper into my heart.
Suddenly a rush of realization hits me, and i can tell i’ve made that apparent. As i instinctively toss my thoughts out as far as i can into a stream of doubts and scars, through a past full of regrets and lost moments. where i could always find myself trudging into my reflection, like i always have when things change so suddenly. in this moment, as i stare out across these waters, running deeper than blood, all i can see is a glimmer of hope. This newfound sunlight, that shines through your words as you smile a horizon at me and softly whisper a sunrise, reminds me that the cold only exists so one day we may rekindle and find warmth.
By: Tyler V. Quarello
Suddenly a rush of realization hits me, and i can tell i’ve made that apparent. As i instinctively toss my thoughts out as far as i can into a stream of doubts and scars, through a past full of regrets and lost moments. where i could always find myself trudging into my reflection, like i always have when things change so suddenly. in this moment, as i stare out across these waters, running deeper than blood, all i can see is a glimmer of hope. This newfound sunlight, that shines through your words as you smile a horizon at me and softly whisper a sunrise, reminds me that the cold only exists so one day we may rekindle and find warmth.
By: Tyler V. Quarello
Published 26th Dec 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 1
reads 501
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th Dec 2016 10:39pm
That second stanza is wonderful. I would capitalize the I, lower-case really doesn't help you here. While certain rules can be broken successfully, I believe that consistency would increase the impact of this piece immensely, i.e. - beginning some sentences with capitalization and some lower-case. While I enjoy longer-lined verse, I am wondering if an alteration of form would improve this impact and make it easier to read for others. For example (very quickly written):
Suddenly a rush
of realization hits me
I’ve made that apparent
instinctively toss my thoughts
as far as I can into a stream
of doubts and scars,
through a past full of regrets
and lost moments
where I could always
find myself trudging
into my reflection,
like I always have
when things change
so suddenly.
In this moment,
as I stare out across
these waters, running
deeper than blood,
all I can see
is a glimmer of hope
This newfound sunlight
shining through your words
as you smile a horizon
softly whisper a sunrise
Reminds me that cold only exists
so one day we may rekindle warmth
This is just a suggestion per your request for honest critique. You could lose many words and punctuation (re: commas, et al) by altering the form, thus making it easier to read as poetry. I adored the content's emotional impact of the piece and well as the prior one I read. There is power in words; shaving them down for the utmost impact is a gift we all learn over time.
Again, welcome to the Deep Side.
Suddenly a rush
of realization hits me
I’ve made that apparent
instinctively toss my thoughts
as far as I can into a stream
of doubts and scars,
through a past full of regrets
and lost moments
where I could always
find myself trudging
into my reflection,
like I always have
when things change
so suddenly.
In this moment,
as I stare out across
these waters, running
deeper than blood,
all I can see
is a glimmer of hope
This newfound sunlight
shining through your words
as you smile a horizon
softly whisper a sunrise
Reminds me that cold only exists
so one day we may rekindle warmth
This is just a suggestion per your request for honest critique. You could lose many words and punctuation (re: commas, et al) by altering the form, thus making it easier to read as poetry. I adored the content's emotional impact of the piece and well as the prior one I read. There is power in words; shaving them down for the utmost impact is a gift we all learn over time.
Again, welcome to the Deep Side.
