schyzophrenic attack

Sitting in my room, interrogating myself...
You're a bitch and a whore, a lying piece of shit
  Death or opioids. Either would be fine
  cause your loving dream life reaches a deadline

Should I ignore signs?
Should I look up?
Maybe you should fall from high altitude and crack

How many times have I killed you myself
and again you resurrect behind the chaos of my depth

I've seen our darkness...Beneath it there's more
I've buried all aspects that I have died for

Life is unbearable when you arise
why don't you fuck yourself or play victim and nice?

Tricks are for others, treats are for us
   but if you want solitude, follow the mass
Oh, I want nothing, everything is fine
 Yes, let's go celebrate fucking Christmas with some red wine
I'm sober enough, I seek of reality's meanings
 Hey, do you mean chores, responsibilities and empty feelings?
Look at the mirror..what we are is still unknown
 your life is a disproportionate dysfunctional divine loan

I lost some opportunities but I can pretend
   fine with me but don't you act like this is my end