The Loneliness Killer

 Theres so much history to release
Im a writing beast
And Im on a tangent....

Unfortunately,

I was hit with an unlucky charm
Called hearts harm..

See, I felt dumbest in this particular situation
Cuz it was supossed to be the most real
The most blatant

But reality,

He hurt me just as much as the rest did
And the lies of the ties of this "supposed realness"
Make me feel more dumb for my blindness
Because my eyes had pulled shade
And I was strayed,
lead to believe a different way
So call it as you may
I still say I was played
Don't worry, now Im awake...

I know we will never have what we once had
.... it should have never been anyway
"It" being a false pretense
To a replay of a good day

I WAS SO BLIND
Chasing after time,
Making his melody my story
Only for it to be left untouched
In all of its naked, raw, written glory
Meaningless words left rotting
Taunting emotions I should have never expressed
I let slip....

I feel so STUPID

All the "what ifs" and "what a surprise"
"Damn we're so much alike"
"Is it possible theres a spark in our signs?"
Telling myself emotional lies
Feeding into the sirens lines
Like the Odyssey I traveled my journey
I'm the Odysseus to Homer
Does anyone even feel me?
Listen...

I WAS A LONELINESS KILLER

Set aside for certain times
The aftermath of off days and holidays
What took place on her busy days,
just to keep the company
Little filler me...

Not worth the special times,
"Hey blue eyes,
Can you please come give me a touch up...
On these twists?"
Yea, sure wasn't "me" that was missed
But "she" was...
As my presence irrelevantly gibed
While I locked those dreaded vines
Beeswax...one at a time
Look at me trying to rhyme..
getting inebriated off that wine...

My ticker chimed "TIME!"
And my hurt went out the window
I breathed deep and swallowed it all whole

I WAS THE LONELINESS KILLER

Well ya know what!
fuck her
I KILLED HER

And now the loneliness is killing me...

Ravishing ill never be
Beauty... men may not always see...

But I want to be more then that

More then just this baby fat
busy days,
convenient times,
twists or waves,
More then a buds puff,
Work pick up
or convenience store run

No one sees my poetic melody
Or how it sings a lonely song
How I overstand and swim in a cyphers sea
Of knowledge, peace and prosperity
Yearning for companionship
To create an intillectual trinity
Wanting, for some understanding

Instead...I was the loneliness killer

And now....
As you can see,

The loneliness is killing me