Forgiveness?

What is it that you want from me?
Forgiveness?
Closure?
Me to tell you it's not your fault?

I can't, I won't.
Iv'e said the words.
I've thought the words.
I just can't mean them.

My mind says one thing.
My heart says another.

I scream the words.
I whisper the words.
I even write the words.
My heart just won't mean it.

My mind screams for my heart to forgive.
My mind screams for my heart to let go of the past.

But my mind also screams for me to make you pay.
It screams to make you suffer the way I did.

Putting aside how my heart feels, I forgive you.
Putting aside my mind, my words, my thoughts,I want you to pay.
Putting aside everything,I let go of the past and move on.