deepundergroundpoetry.com
Date Gone Wrong
this is the story
of a tiresome
date, gone wrong
very awkward,
I'm awkward. It's a flop,
was bad.
in the grand scheme
of sociability.
fidgeting, my thumbs in a
hard chair,
speechless, was I
she was bored.
looking around. to
kill time
she checks her cell phone and
texts up another suitor.
they must be
so exciting
they're true - social animals,
intuitive,
fast paced and never bored
as she gives
me looks. her face
says disapproval
at the table. it is
daunting
and who will excuse me
in this nightclub
atmosphere? they make fun
out of drinks,
dear drinks, because we are all
awkward in a way.
past insecurity, past shyness,
this is
their good idea, what drives
these funnest nights.
for them. better than melancholy.
better than boredom.
then I speak up, a word
out of my mouth
to say, but it's over her head.
and she doesn't get it,
she makes polite conversation,
at this restaurant/bar. look here,
the other couple is connecting
their words resonating.
and conversing.
soon they'll be in each other's arms
and intimate. meanwhile
our talk drags, stagnates, slow,
in the bar,
in flesh, in a cloud
swarm of
awkwardness, me being aware of
my problem.
they talk easily across,
the barroom.
in the moment, spontaneous,
not boring
alive. bombastic
words easily
they are all so
a part of,
the cool crowd so the party
body language
I try but I so lack,
and our meal ends then
we go home.
again, she doesn't call me....
--------------------------------------------------
Could be a first date or a blind date....
(4:27)
of a tiresome
date, gone wrong
very awkward,
I'm awkward. It's a flop,
was bad.
in the grand scheme
of sociability.
fidgeting, my thumbs in a
hard chair,
speechless, was I
she was bored.
looking around. to
kill time
she checks her cell phone and
texts up another suitor.
they must be
so exciting
they're true - social animals,
intuitive,
fast paced and never bored
as she gives
me looks. her face
says disapproval
at the table. it is
daunting
and who will excuse me
in this nightclub
atmosphere? they make fun
out of drinks,
dear drinks, because we are all
awkward in a way.
past insecurity, past shyness,
this is
their good idea, what drives
these funnest nights.
for them. better than melancholy.
better than boredom.
then I speak up, a word
out of my mouth
to say, but it's over her head.
and she doesn't get it,
she makes polite conversation,
at this restaurant/bar. look here,
the other couple is connecting
their words resonating.
and conversing.
soon they'll be in each other's arms
and intimate. meanwhile
our talk drags, stagnates, slow,
in the bar,
in flesh, in a cloud
swarm of
awkwardness, me being aware of
my problem.
they talk easily across,
the barroom.
in the moment, spontaneous,
not boring
alive. bombastic
words easily
they are all so
a part of,
the cool crowd so the party
body language
I try but I so lack,
and our meal ends then
we go home.
again, she doesn't call me....
--------------------------------------------------
Could be a first date or a blind date....
(4:27)
Published 30th Sep 2016
| Edited 10th Mar 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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30th Sep 2016 5:49am
Such a poignant poem astrosleuth...could really feel the pain of your (?) awkwardness and the pressure to conform to what society says we must all be like...it's not easy being on a first or blind date...
I love the music in the background, it and the timbre of your voice were good for these words but I think you need to practice reading it quite a few times before recording and not to have the sound of turning the page in the background...doing this I feel will make a these words and recording outstanding...
I love the music in the background, it and the timbre of your voice were good for these words but I think you need to practice reading it quite a few times before recording and not to have the sound of turning the page in the background...doing this I feel will make a these words and recording outstanding...
30th Sep 2016 6:34am
Thank you for your candid feedback and honesty. Yes, true....I DO need to work on my, how should I say it....'presence' more, having Aspergers myself. Sometimes I have to catch myself getting into a bit of a monotone voice. Mechanical. I do have good practice though as I have read at poetry nights and slams a few times in the past. I do all my sound from an old laptop. Perhaps someday I will invest in a better system. Once again, thank you for your feedback. - astro
1st Oct 2016 11:34am
I thought your 'presence' in the reading was good and your voice was 'right' for it and I did wonder after commenting whether your reading style in this poem was intentional, artistic licence as they say and I was just being pedantic wanting it read a certain way... ;-)
I've done a couple of regional slams and enjoyed them but am still to get along to the monthly local poetry nights...your mentioning them reminds me to follow through...thank you :-)
I've done a couple of regional slams and enjoyed them but am still to get along to the monthly local poetry nights...your mentioning them reminds me to follow through...thank you :-)
