The shell of a man (illusions)

Trough spiritual growth I broke the shell that imprisoned me
Illusions that I perceived as reality
Trapped in an inferior state of consciousness
Identifying with worthlessness
Causing overcompensation
It all started in the mind but realized itself in physical manifestation
In my actions caused by an attempt to flee the pain
Engraved into my brain
the dissonance between what is and what should be
only when I started to accept I could see
the standards which I held against me
a deluded sense of masculinity
giving and receiving love is not a weak quality
objectified woman due to fear of intimacy
I had no choice because they threaded my ego
With each action the ego´s voice amplified like an echo
At the same time craved for approval and love
But was it really love?
More like impure intentions  to combat the non-acceptance of myself
The shell I see could not accept himself
With a philosophy that his existence is wrong
and that holding on to his illusion is a sign of being strong
I am not a shell of a man
Today I see the shell of a man