deepundergroundpoetry.com
Reckless
Reckless
I lived my life reckless
I was careless and afraid
I couldn't fix the brokenness
I couldn't stop the pain.
The only way to feel...
I found it in a pill.
I thought that it could heal me
Now I know it never will.
Each day I lose a little more
I'm trying not to fall
I've slammed a couple thousand doors...
And built as many walls.
All I really need is you right now
Or perhaps, the absence of...
Cus' like all things addicting
You're about to use me up.
I lived my life reckless
I was careless and afraid
I couldn't fix the brokenness
I couldn't stop the pain.
The only way to feel...
I found it in a pill.
I thought that it could heal me
Now I know it never will.
Each day I lose a little more
I'm trying not to fall
I've slammed a couple thousand doors...
And built as many walls.
All I really need is you right now
Or perhaps, the absence of...
Cus' like all things addicting
You're about to use me up.
Published 27th Aug 2016
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Aug 2016 2:35am
The most addictive things are usually never any good for you in the long run. Great poem.
16th Sep 2016 8:24am
Anonymous
15th Oct 2016 12:38pm
This reads more like a self poem than a love poem, until you reach the last paragraph. The feeling is clear, and you're getting your point across, but I think the language might flow a little more with some line restructuring in a few places, at least to my ear.
As an example, looking at the second paragraph, a suggestion would be to drop the "I" on the second line, perhaps the "it" as well. The third line could follow with "that I thought would heal me" if you drop the full stop after pill. I don't know if any of that will appeal to you, but if you're interested in my other suggestions, I'd be happy to discuss them with you.
As an example, looking at the second paragraph, a suggestion would be to drop the "I" on the second line, perhaps the "it" as well. The third line could follow with "that I thought would heal me" if you drop the full stop after pill. I don't know if any of that will appeal to you, but if you're interested in my other suggestions, I'd be happy to discuss them with you.
