Beautiful Death

This is a dark, somber, slightly disturbing write chaotic, but if I'm being honest...it feels like it needs more to it, like the story or picture you were trying to get across wasn't finished. I'm not sure if you wanted it that way or something, but (although it is a really captivating write) I felt like there was more information then what was depicted in the write. I'd be interested to know what your thinking was behind why you kept it so short, That being said though, don't get me wrong the poem drew me in from the start and the pace and flow were both awesome.

Cheers, 19xx

Thanks man. I love constructive criticism (hate that word "criticism", i have to double check the spelling everytime!) I completely agree...It's been so long since i wrote it...honestly, man...I don't remember off hand what it was about. Probably had something to do with finding a mate. I don't exactly think the same way now, as i did then. But, it's still fun to read that one.

I'm gonna (sort of) disagree with Pho3nix - I don't think there was anything missing to the picture. I'm sure there was more to the story (the why, where, who ect), but it doesn't feel like the poem is missing anything. In fact it seems more effective as is, because that feeling of desperation and eventual surrender doesn't get lost in details.

I thought it was brilliant anyway - simple form, good flow, and a captivating theme. Great job :)

Thank you!! Your words mean a lot! Very much appreciate the feedback! :)