Disappearing Acts

You miss my words? I pulled up to your house nervous beyond measure. I played every scenario in my head of what could possibly happen. My friend gave me confidence but I didn’t want to be naive. I was prepared for what I was met with. Anger, confusion, lack of understanding, frustration, lack of communication and lack of compassion is what you threw at me. But how? I was the same receiver of surprise flower petals, candles, candy, chocolate and music. Have you forgotten what you’ve done for me? Have you forgotten what you said to me? You are the perfect heartbreak. The love I have for you is the kind I have to respect losing. The thing you lose is the same thing you once had. Call me crazy, but appreciate the lack of sanity. For you once resided in that pit. Yes, I opened my door to you and invited you in. But, you knocked. Beware of dog. I warned you. Beware of King Kong, you should’ve warned me. Is it because I was broken that I chased something that I could not catch? Or did you break me? Maybe it’s the for best. Now that I know I am at my lowest, I can rebuild like I was attempting prior to your landing. But I wonder, where do we go from here? You don’t want to be my “fucking friend” and you cannot handle a relationship. I can talk to you but you cannot guarantee a response. Oh, and we can use each other when we need each other. When does that start exactly? No answer. I stood outside as if I was selling magazines for African children. You remained there out of moral obligation. I wasn’t invited in. 8 hours. I wasn’t invited in. 8 hours more. I wasn’t invited in. I stood outside the same house I once slept. The same house where we cried and held each other. The same house where I was permanently engraved with you. What happened to us? You not only reached for me, you found me and took a hold. You asked me to fly with you. I spread my wings. Somewhere in the turbulence you let me go. I never had an issue going to virgin heights with you. But you knew my fear of falling. And you still let me go. 10,000 feet in the air. You dropped my heart and expected it not to shatter. How easy it is for you to let go. How am I suppose to hold on? You cant lose me, but you can send me away. Who am I to you? Am I still who I once was? Why do I ask questions I know the answers to? I guess even the rational can be not. Oh, how my love for you can still halt fears of years. But your last words were not I love you too despite my love you. I knew you’d disappear. You disappeared. K. C. O. Oh how, you’ve disappeared. How sad it is to live in the shallow. I will weep for us. I will cry for you. May my wishes send you good fortune and unwavering love. You deserve everything you’ve been without. I wish I would have cooked more, snored less, taken you to the river, did your hair, kissed at sunrise and sunset. But you told me we had time. I guess a girl could dream. I’ll dream until I can face reality…..says the realist. I’ll be here until I can’t. I’ll answer until I can’t. The birds are flying in. The cage will be open until it isn’t.
Sincerely, beneficial