You'd Want What's Best Too At 3:26 AM

 
It's 3 in the morning
And my head has become dark
Like sickeningly


I try to stay happy and listen to music
But a song comes on and my head just
"Psst...it's them"

I remember how much you loved those other people
And then it avalanches to.   "psst.. stupid, he is with other girls now"

And my stomach collapses
And I feel my thighs scratch and tense and tingle

And I remember
Oh I remember everything...

Every word and sound
Every touch and whisper

And I picture them on someone else
Because thats what my head tells me you are doing

And I scream into my pillow to make it stop
And I think about messaging you

Maybe not to save us
Maybe to hurt me more
Maybe to let me destory myself more so I dont feel anything at all

But lately I've wanted to die
Really
Really
Badly

Sure I have people that love me
I know that

I do...

But I need to be honest with myself for once

As I lay here on my back feeling sick
Saying quietly

I feel like i'm losing myself and im not even sure I want to save me

But if I do
Then I do

"Psst...hey..go ahead and die..I know you really are hurt and I honestly dont think you'll survive this one.."


"Psst...they want you to do it"