deepundergroundpoetry.com
Us<3 a poem by benji and nyx
You are my only hope.
The one I need the most.
The pain inside always seems to glide.
But with your heart as my guide,
I know where ever you are
You've stolen my heart
Near or far,
You'll always be my shining star
I'd do anything to reach you babe
train or car
anything i would ride
to hold you close
and be forever by your side <3
The one I need the most.
The pain inside always seems to glide.
But with your heart as my guide,
I know where ever you are
You've stolen my heart
Near or far,
You'll always be my shining star
I'd do anything to reach you babe
train or car
anything i would ride
to hold you close
and be forever by your side <3
Published 24th Jul 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 23
reads 1098
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
24th Jul 2011 4:33am
<3 love you hun. this made me smile and happy to see it up <3 its going in my reading list. it was fun to write it with ya <3 ;)
24th Jul 2011 4:34am
24th Jul 2011 6:15am
24th Jul 2011 7:02am
Anonymous
24th Jul 2011 7:12am
S1 L1 [You are my only hope.]
1977 -
Princess Leia: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
The rest is goo, like a Hostess cupcake.
1977 -
Princess Leia: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
The rest is goo, like a Hostess cupcake.
24th Jul 2011 7:24am
24th Jul 2011 11:37am
24th Jul 2011 6:13pm
Anonymous
- Edited 24th Jul 2011 9:39pm
24th Jul 2011 9:38pm
OMG, seriously?
Strophe 1 Line 1 of your poem says "You are my only hope. "
In 1977 George Lucas released the movie "Star Wars". In the movie as Luke Skywalker is cleaning up the R2D2 droid he just got, he accidentally triggers a recorded holographic message. In it Princess Leia says "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE." Reading the opener of your poem instantly put that movie scene in my head.
"The rest is goo, like a Hostess cupcake." In other words it's sweet with no substance, and only filling to the person having the junk food attack. I.E. not real poetry. Cliche. Meant for the two people who obviously wrote it for each other.
It says "friendly feedback". My friendly advice is - if you want to write poetry that has depth, substance, and originality, STOP RHYMING unless using a rigid structure such as a sonnet or rondeau. Use a thesaurus. Say things in a new way.
Which of these are more effective and romantic: You've stolen my heart
Near or far,
You'll always be my shining star
or
the roots of your soul
anchor thick in the ore of chaos.
I bury my dead in you,
and watch God take form in your eyes - ?
Strophe 1 Line 1 of your poem says "You are my only hope. "
In 1977 George Lucas released the movie "Star Wars". In the movie as Luke Skywalker is cleaning up the R2D2 droid he just got, he accidentally triggers a recorded holographic message. In it Princess Leia says "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE." Reading the opener of your poem instantly put that movie scene in my head.
"The rest is goo, like a Hostess cupcake." In other words it's sweet with no substance, and only filling to the person having the junk food attack. I.E. not real poetry. Cliche. Meant for the two people who obviously wrote it for each other.
It says "friendly feedback". My friendly advice is - if you want to write poetry that has depth, substance, and originality, STOP RHYMING unless using a rigid structure such as a sonnet or rondeau. Use a thesaurus. Say things in a new way.
Which of these are more effective and romantic: You've stolen my heart
Near or far,
You'll always be my shining star
or
the roots of your soul
anchor thick in the ore of chaos.
I bury my dead in you,
and watch God take form in your eyes - ?
24th Jul 2011 10:21pm
Anonymous
25th Jul 2011 6:05am
That wasn't harsh, that was basics.
Why so touchy?
Why so touchy?
25th Jul 2011 6:21am
Anonymous
25th Jul 2011 6:24am
ROFLOL
25th Jul 2011 6:50am
27th Aug 2011 7:50pm
30th Aug 2011 7:33pm
30th Aug 2011 8:36pm
Whore? You're funny :D I haven't dated one person since we broke up. Or made out with one. Doesn't that make me like... The opposite? :)
1st Sep 2011 6:33am
oh wow... i love how people have to bitch on and on and on and on about this poem and the love we share. haha i guess that they will never understand, will they?
1st Sep 2011 9:51pm
If you love ben then awesome. I truly am happy for you. Genuinely. He just wasn't the one for me to love. But if he's the one for you to love, then i wish you guys a happy life. I don't WANT to start drama, i get out of hand when i'm pissed. I'm sorry for the unnecessary comment, but i'm not sorry for what i said.
2nd Sep 2011 2:02am
well thanks, and no need to get pissed off. i have a short temper myself and when im pissed off, everything gets from worse to Holy Shit!! so im with ya there. never said i wanted to start drama, i just have to laugh at the fact how everyone has to bitch about our poem when they dont understand a damned thing about it. and when i read your comment it made me laugh more cuz it seemed like you thought i didnt know who i love (which i do know him well). so no drama and no need to get pissed off.
3rd Sep 2011 2:28am
3rd Sep 2011 5:16am
yea.. i guess so. id rather not get in a fight or start drama with someone i dont know at all, i normally try to avoid drama, so yea. we are chill..
4th Sep 2011 1:53am
im not chill i feel left out :( i got a voodoo doll!!! his name is roger! >:D and hey she made out wif me >.<
