antimatter matters

Here we go again
Tear streaked face and a pen
When will my suffering end so my battered heart can transcend  
 
I dont even recognize my own life
Been seeing my reflection in the knife
I was almost someone's wife
Living the dream but now im living the lower life
Low vibrations
Low expectations
Dishonorable intentions
Metaphysical blood and guts
Lust and mistrust
Lies and tears
Its so much worse than I feared
Heartbroken anguish permeates my bleeding soul
Annihilated dreams mourning the life that life stole
 
Seeds of deceit down deep beneath my feet
Watered by my tears as my heart wails and weeps
I can't sleep
I started counting lies instead of counting sheep
The future is looking bleak
See, there it is, it creeps
Sneaking, stalking, creeping, hiding in the shadows so dark and deep
Cloaked heavily in your lies the disguise is almost seamless
But I read between the lines
I see with unseen eyes
I can never be what you are molding me to become
Shaking me, breaking me
Trying to cage my free flowing spirit
I cry out in pain but you don't want to hear it
You want me to fear it
Break under the weight of an illusionary world
So much pressure that it could cause the hope diamond to shatter
To shatter hope....
I'd rather choke on my own words  
You want me to break into tiny pieces and and splatter
But I choose to be the antimatter
Switch the polarities
As the broken pieces of me are about to hit the ground
I rebound and turn it all around
Sending them up toward the stars
Beyond where the eagles fly
Beyond where the heavens meat the sky
Beyond the realm of "you" and "I"
On golden wings the phoenix rises again
With the help of a pen
 and some light bodied friends
 who crept through the veils to lend a helping hand
Lifting my shining wings high into the heavens with the breath of life
I'm off to lighter places
Flying over a glistening sea of my own tears is far better than drowning within my own crashing waves