Contradiction

He lavished in pieces of me
Adored the shards callously neglected by others before him.
I stared in his eyes trying to understand why
He chose me.
Innocent hellos led to sleepovers
And suddenly I couldn't get over the intimacy we shared.
On the outside, he knew I was married
But the way he looked into me
Resulted in hunger too strong
A flame incited
I was engulfed
Didn't run away
I chose to stay.
He studied me
could see despondence through forced smiles
Hidden desire in the flicker of my eyes
Noticed the thirst formed on my lips.
And the silent invite in the motility of my hips
I asked, why me?
He said a piece of me was worth more than what a whole woman could offer.
I believed him.
So I spread myself wide and let him enter.
Gave him all my unspoken hurts
My untouched territory
Allowed his tongue to journey through every crevice of my body.
He dug deep into the depths of my essence
Savored the taste on his lips
Inhaled my scent
Said the moments we shared was the salvation  he sought.
I was his hallelujahs
His respite
Soft place
And amens.
Pulsated interactions
Produced intoxicating realizations
He was my side piece.
I made no apologies for the peace I found in him
For the pieces he repaired in me
Allowed me to be whole woman to him.
I didn't question the danger
Evaluate consequences
Consider the unfairness
Of two men calling me their home.
I simply provided shelter
Warmth encapsulated in exchange for validity.
One gave me family.
The other gave me peace.
The war inside never ceased
I couldn't choose a side
So I juggled between bedsides
Lost in secret stained sheets
Trying to blanket insecurities I hid from myself.
But still, the loneliness lingered.
The emptiness taunted me.
Depression consumed me.
I couldn't comprehend what either saw in me
I was still trying to piece what was broken in me.
I questioned my existence
How could I provide rectitude when I myself didn't know it?
indelible mark I left
Dealing with me, they anticipated seeing lightning but wasn't prepared to feel bolt
The energy I siphoned with no regards to their hearts
Etched memories expatiated across the timeline of our lives.
In the margins of my mind
I retold lies now considered truth
Placed asterisk over this reality
I imparted pieces
Because giving all of me was too much to refute.