Thoughts On Selfharm; Why?

I burned myself again
A few days ago at least
The scabbing is the worst
For I long to reopen them
To watch the blood pool
Out onto my thigh slowly
I hide the evidence carefully
I carry out the bandaids
And flush the bloody toilet paper
I can't let anyone near me know
That I relapsed so hard
These are the deepest wounds yet
If they knew they would mock
Or offer petty words of comfort
Denying that they truly lack
Any real forms of concern
They wish I was better
But I'm not, I'm getting worse
The urge to numb the pain
Or to cause it on my own
Is dwindling my sanity
I mock the cutters I know
Quietly in the dark part
Of my ugly, shattered mind
I mock their placement
Of their self-harm
I mock the dark quotes
They seem to post everywhere
I mock the hair in their face
As I burn my skin until it's white
And there are no blisters left
I burn deeper and deeper
Ripping up scabs and screaming
Ever so silently in my head
Because no one cares
About how publicly you hurt yourself
No one cares about how close you came
It only matters that you are alright
I no longer beg cutters to stop
I only ask them why again and again
Hoping that someday my need
My ugly, horrible need to burn
Can be explained away
I ask them why knives
And they always respond the same
"I can control how deep it goes.
I can control if it scars or not"
I always end up closing my eyes
Because that isn't why I burn
I burn because it is clean
At least at first that is
Clean until your body
Finally realizes it's there
The chance that I may die from
These three third degree burns
Is unlikely really, unlike cutting
There is rarely a chance if dying
You can aways feel infection
And burn creams are widely available
Easily bought, no questions asked
I just want a pain that lasts
Healing burns lasts for weeks
Sometimes more depending on size
And how deep you went
Which means I don't have
To do it over and over again
To get the same affect as the night
I burned open my flesh
I guess I'm lazy in a way
I almost admire the cutters
That do it daily, I always wonder
Why my blood doesn't appease me
Why the sight of it doesnt stop
These self loathing thoughts
Swirling in my shattered sanity
Why do I burn so deeply?
Why do I do it like this?
Why needles and lighters
Kept in plain sight...
Can someone explain
Why I mock the ones like me?
Why don't people care
About burners like me...