deepundergroundpoetry.com
More Than Most
You had me at 'muse'
and both ventricles paused too long at 'goodbye'
but I was cruising the planet at a hundred and twenty in between
better than myself
hell of a lot higher than
too many hits could take me
more fuck than fight
more fly
than fuck
And I thought I could read you like you read my hips
like you read my rhythms, my tides and
I swore I could taste
your sweat from here
feel your chest beat
heavy, primal -
and I wrapped tight around your waist
around your every last pulse
and swell
and I flew
and both ventricles paused too long at 'goodbye'
but I was cruising the planet at a hundred and twenty in between
better than myself
hell of a lot higher than
too many hits could take me
more fuck than fight
more fly
than fuck
And I thought I could read you like you read my hips
like you read my rhythms, my tides and
I swore I could taste
your sweat from here
feel your chest beat
heavy, primal -
and I wrapped tight around your waist
around your every last pulse
and swell
and I flew
Published 19th Jul 2011
| Edited 10th Sep 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 29
reading list entries 6
comments 49
reads 1795
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
19th Jul 2011 10:42pm
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19th Jul 2011 11:05pm
19th Jul 2011 11:13pm
...pretty wishing :-) Love the roll/pace, and any write that slips the sea in...
19th Jul 2011 11:18pm
thank you kindly, my dear. haha, you know me, she always slips in somewhere. [:
20th Jul 2011 00:40am
20th Jul 2011 8:18am
20th Jul 2011 4:51pm
Anonymous
20th Jul 2011 00:57am
I like the rhythms of the whole thing. The "quick write" seems to suit your thoughts well.
20th Jul 2011 8:20am
thank you so much. i had about three different styles merging in my mind for this and yours was definitely on the list, so thanks again i guess! [:
20th Jul 2011 3:09pm
aww, you're such a mermaid Jacki dear! You always have a way to submerge the readers to the current of your thoughts. love the flow of this one, fast paced, a bit rough but a pleasing and exciting experience all in all!
21st Jul 2011 8:24am
you are so sweet, dahlia, thank you. [:
i agree it's a little rough, but i think i might let it sit this time, (though i would normally do some polishing) since it was one of those barely confident, just-get-it-out writes. thanks again, love! [:
i agree it's a little rough, but i think i might let it sit this time, (though i would normally do some polishing) since it was one of those barely confident, just-get-it-out writes. thanks again, love! [:
20th Jul 2011 6:26pm
you had me begging for more.
i agree with belladonna about the flow of this poem;
it's sensuous and well written :)
i agree with belladonna about the flow of this poem;
it's sensuous and well written :)
21st Jul 2011 8:29am
Anonymous
21st Jul 2011 4:49pm
I love your suave, relaxed tone and demeanor when you read poetry. Your reading of a piece really makes that piece pop, whatever it is. Its a beautiful and natural talent that you have there Jesta. Remarkable!
21st Jul 2011 9:19pm
a very nice work of thoughts jessta.
i will echo shamen's comment of your recital.
really enjoyable.
i will echo shamen's comment of your recital.
really enjoyable.
21st Jul 2011 9:35pm
thank you, Eamon, i was a little worried it might ruin the way a reader would take it on their own read, but i'm glad it worked for you. [:
21st Jul 2011 10:55pm
22nd Jul 2011 11:28am
22nd Jul 2011 10:14am
22nd Jul 2011 11:32am
thank you, Jon! [:
on my first read over, it kind of reminded me of something of yours. i think it's the 'and's, inspired, 'cause i love the way you transition verses. [:
on my first read over, it kind of reminded me of something of yours. i think it's the 'and's, inspired, 'cause i love the way you transition verses. [:
22nd Jul 2011 6:27pm
your poetry never fails to intrigue and seduce, I can't listen at the moment but really looking forward to watching the reading
22nd Jul 2011 9:41pm
22nd Jul 2011 11:39pm
wow the reading is devastatingly charming
you would be right at home on a stage or the silver screen :)
you would be right at home on a stage or the silver screen :)
28th Jul 2011 7:36am
Anonymous
28th Jul 2011 1:04am
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28th Jul 2011 7:34am
haha, i'm guessing that's a slightly approving couple o' comments, even begrudgingly?
it's not Muse the band, it's muse the inspiration, dear. thanks for the read(s). [:
it's not Muse the band, it's muse the inspiration, dear. thanks for the read(s). [:
Anonymous
3rd Aug 2011 10:44pm
What I love about this poem is that it's at once incredibly surreal and yet as comforting as a warm coat in winter. The first stanza is like how I imagine the heroes of Requiem for a Dream felt when they were high, a cosmic landscape of beautiful absurdity enveloping them. The second stanza meanwhile reeks of desperate passion, lines you know are cliché but still are written so well and with such ferocity you can't help but love them. Just like I love you. You crazy dame.
3rd Aug 2011 10:53pm
14th Aug 2011 9:18am
That's got to be the best first line of a poem ever! I like this all the way through and the idea of a video reading is really great. As someone who has read out at many an open mic, I enjoyed this thouroughly and will have to rummage through your poems for more. Your voice melds well with the words and the smile at the end spoke volumes.
14th Aug 2011 9:25am
really? wow, thank you! i have no experience with open mic, or in fact, any poetry communities but this one, so that is much appreciated. [:
feel free to dish some critique as well, on anything you think could improve.
welcome to DU! [:
feel free to dish some critique as well, on anything you think could improve.
welcome to DU! [:
Anonymous
16th Aug 2011 9:42am
The poem is very sexy and the video brings it to life. I hope my eyes werent overly influenced by the sight of you reading. Hard to seperate the two but i do like this poem very much. It feels like something i would write if i could write that good.
16th Aug 2011 11:20am
thank you [:
it crossed my mind that the video might take away from the poem more than it would give, i'll think about doing an audio for it instead. thanks again for the feedback and welcome to DU. [:
it crossed my mind that the video might take away from the poem more than it would give, i'll think about doing an audio for it instead. thanks again for the feedback and welcome to DU. [:
Anonymous
17th Aug 2011 10:39am
I love the smile at the end of this video.
17th Aug 2011 1:14pm
17th Aug 2011 1:37pm
Anonymous
24th Aug 2011 6:12pm
Your languid flow and sensual vibe are articulate and playful as usual.
Only 1 crit - I could live without your final line. There does need to be something there, but for me "and I flew" doesn't fit the rest of the piece.
Only 1 crit - I could live without your final line. There does need to be something there, but for me "and I flew" doesn't fit the rest of the piece.
heeey! thank you for being honest, Aish, need some of that. [:
hm, that last line was supposed to tie the ending a bit to the end of the 1st verse/stanza/whatever-we-call-these-things, and it has sort of a particular meaning to me - which is no use when you're writing poetry to communicate with others, i guess. will definitely have a mull over this one, thanks again; good to have your keen eye checking up for me. [:
hm, that last line was supposed to tie the ending a bit to the end of the 1st verse/stanza/whatever-we-call-these-things, and it has sort of a particular meaning to me - which is no use when you're writing poetry to communicate with others, i guess. will definitely have a mull over this one, thanks again; good to have your keen eye checking up for me. [:
25th Aug 2011 00:15am
25th Aug 2011 10:54am
Anonymous
5th Sep 2011 11:39pm
hell of a lot higher than
too many hits could take me
more fuck than fight
more fly
than fuck
Loved this, and how it set the poem up for the closing punchline 'I flew'. Very sexy but elegant and truly erotic. Bravo. redTbird.
ps. Loved your performance of it too.
too many hits could take me
more fuck than fight
more fly
than fuck
Loved this, and how it set the poem up for the closing punchline 'I flew'. Very sexy but elegant and truly erotic. Bravo. redTbird.
ps. Loved your performance of it too.
all of that means a lot to me, thank you; and allow me to extend a very enthusiastic welcome to DU. [:
6th Feb 2012 10:43pm
as you should. your cadence,and easiness of rhythm protects your vulnerability in such a safe cradle of skill and craft that i would suspect to find pretension or conceit- of which i find neither.refreshing read
6th Feb 2012 11:02pm
so kind, thank you! i'm enjoying catching up with yours, and from one who knows rhythm, that's quite a compliment. [:
6th May 2013 10:26pm
1st Aug 2019 5:27pm
A Fitting Ending. A Conquest. A Satisfaction Fulfilled. Love your Work. Please Check Out Mine.
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Sep 2022 7:45pm
18th Jul 2022 1:09pm
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