deepundergroundpoetry.com

recovery

always these cold, dead-of-night mornings
and lights like stars past the darkened paddy fields.
always the midnight breeze and its bite
past my skin, into my bones, into my chest.

lean further on the balcony railing, exhale.

always these cigarettes, and they
always taste like you.

remember when i begged the gods
to take away your pain and let me bear it
in your place?
remember when they agreed?

remember when i broke, all blood and poison and remorse?

always pain in search of pain, and i
always realize too late.

and i don't even like it. the smoke, i mean.
it is sweet, so sweet, then so bitter.
i breathe it in
just to spit you out.

and you never even bat an eye.

always me in search of you, and i
always fail. it was a task made for two

(and i am only one, after all)

always these cold, dead-of-night mornings
and me staring out at the dark.
always the midnight breeze and its whisper
of "what if"- though there is no hope in these ruins.

always your breath in my smoke.

always your eyes in those lights.

always your name in the wind.

always always always always

never again

.