flowerbedss

My flowerbedss are ________.
In the bedss grow differents sorts of flowers.
Some with petals of dark ombre and others
that radiate happiness and good vibes.
I've always been told that I control what kinds of flowers grow in my flowerbedss.
How can I control what flowers grow when I can't control the weather?
If a violent storm is to invade my garden...
How am I to control the way the flowers wilt?
I've always been told I play victim to my disease.
That "sometimes" I play pretend.
But when there's patches of dead grass representing the numbness and hollowness
in my heart, how am I pretending?
How do you pretend not to be okay?
I do not believe that there is a way to fake the wool blanket that has fallen and taken over me.
My flowerbedss are rotting and I can't tell if it's something I can change or not.