6/16/2016

Journal entry
I feel like  my head gonna split in two, all the fucking problems going around my head, the air feels thick. She wont stop barking  it seems like i can't do anything. They expect me to do things i can't at times  i feel like i'm drowning and i just want to scream. Something in me i hide from even myself but i don't know what it is. She never shuts up  just gets louder and louder, no one does anything. Nothing but my celtic seems to help me. When i listen to my dark celtic meditation all goes away i seem at peace, the pain gone   i don't feel so stiff.  I glad i have that music.


Journal entry
So far the only thing that calms me down or stops all the racing thoughts is my celtic music. I am able to drown everything out manly. Im just tired of how everyone how i feel like i am being watched or criticized for not helping. I just hope they never find out how i feel at times i don’t like the tension. Only one i confide in is my cat i guess because I know she won't ever tell. At times i feel weird like a freak because of who I am and then my cat puts her paw and head on me to calm me down. She knows something wrong i just feel like sometimes i don't belong.


Journal entry
I am trying hard not to brake down right now into tears, why i don't really know. I do overeat and sometimes i just eat because it makes me feel better where other fail at. I try not to cry because manly i have to be everyone's rock. I keep going back in my head how i couldn't keep my family together, seem like it my fault  but mom said it not, but i just feel like if i hadn't brought my friend over maybe then he wouldn't have wanted her as a daughter than me..then maybe he wouldn't have try to kill himself twice.  Then i need to find a job where i'm sitting down if i don't we might lose where we live i need to get more hours, and no one seems to want me.

Journal entry
My mind going fast again..just found out that i got declined for a job, right now the air around me feels tight and heavy..it like i can't breath. My mind going over and over why won't this stop, what going on what did i do wrong? Maybe i am not meant to “be happy” sometimes i feel like that, When im around my aunt right now she seems pissed at me maybe because i'm doing all this instead of helping. I just don't know anymore, i am to the point of locking myself away, my mind it  all over the place i can't seem to get it strate. I just like it hard it breath and i'm gasping just to get the air i need.