Hiding behind eyelids.

The world is closing in on me.
So broken I can't see. So insecure.
I can't love no more ..shatterd to my core.
Broken girl , hurting people ... to scared to fall. Escaping downfalls.
The cold air send a icy blast through my heart. Such horror in my mind.
years of physical , mental , every abuse you can think of. I have had to whitness. So strike me down if I can't hide. To be silent and alone is my closure yet I'm so sad. So sad.
What have people done to me , I have tried so hard , so hard to be free.
I find love and push it away. Alone by my own is better than alone in a crowd. I won't hold on much longer to waiting around. I have no love to offer anymore , I have no compass of were to go. I'm lost washed up on a shore.
I fool everyone with my smile , my manners , i try so hard to be graceful and kind but im to scared in my mind. Ptsd is sending me wild.
Mental illness killing me making me shut down. Those around me left confused , not getting through to me , nudging me, helping me. Yet I'm froze seeing how I can't respond. So broken from all what has gone wrong.
Told things are my fault. Always put down for my hair colour , put down for being gay,  straight. For my options and love. Called fat , called not enough. I want to end it. Enough is enough.
Life is usless ...I'm here watching my family and friends grow. Wishing the best. While there wishing I chose my path.
No cure to the heart ache and pain in my soul ... if they knew my story would they understand.
I haven't felt alive for along time ... even when I do my head eats me , drives me crazy.
So I will wonder alone , blank , lost, unable of love.
It is sad , so sad. All I wanted in life was love ... yet it shatterd me. Now I can't force myself up.
Someone shake my head and kick me up the butt. I want to fade away ... I'm so lost in this decade .
Has the world broken you like this? Has love been ripped from your kiss?
FROZEN.NOBLISS.
Hiding behind eyelids.