Holyfuck: Ep. 2

Ep. 2

Whilst on the outside of the house I heard strange talking on the inside so i walk to the side to see who had entered the house.

To my surprise, it was the police.

Me:            What is going on?

Police 1:      We are here on the request of your wife who is not happy with some things that went down.

Me:            You called the cops?

Jane:      I’m sorry.

Me:            Kim, you knew about this?

Kim:            I didn’t see her call, i would tell her not to.

Me:            What are you ladies up to? What the fuck is this all about?

Police 2:      Sir on that count i will have to take you in for using indecent language in the presence of a police officer.

Me:            Are you fucking kidding me right now? This is my day, I did nothing wrong.

I was arrested for almost nothing. I spend a night in jail and by the morning the charges went up to four, including threatening my wife and stepdaughter. Brandishing an offensive weapon and some other madness. I was at a lost. I did not know what to do. I was asked to get someone to post my bail but I did not know who to call so I sat in the cell for another few hours and even after that I did not know who to call. A full day went by as I waited to see if someone would turn up to see me or even a call somehow. There was no assistance.

In the morning, after not eating for over twenty-four hours, I was presented with a piece of bread and hot chocolate. I was hungry so I had it willingly.

At lunch time or there about I notice people walking towards the front of the waiting area. Most of the men here were getting ready to meet their family members as is done on Sunday. I waiting to see if my wife would turn up.

Police 3:      Andre James!!!

Me:            I am here.

Police 3:      You need to come out here.

I went to the front and was issued food in a bag and through the bars I could see Kim. I called out to her and she responded with a teary smile that I felt deep inside. I tried to find out from her what was going on but i was told by the big bodied grey haired police calling names that I am not allowed to talk to anyone until Monday about 9:00am. That would mean that I would have missed work for a second day and i have projects working on; some of which are expected on the thirtieth.

I had a good night’s sleep and It was Monday morning. I went and had a shower early without disturbance and was waiting again because apparently that’s all you do in jail, wait.

9 O’clock came and I was still waiting to see what will happen.

10 o’clock and I was still there so I asked if i could get a call. I was obliged and I called my boss.

Me:            Hi Mrs Henry. I need Help. I am in a spot and need your help. Really need your help.

Mrs. H:      What is it, you did not come into work this morning.

Me:            Because my wife got me locked up.

Mrs. H:      What!!!

She was laughing uncontrollably but I was dead serious and she sensed it and stopped.

Mrs. H:      What did you do to her and how can I help?

Me:            I’m still trying to figure it out. It is really complicated. Can you help me get out of here or not? I’m at Station 1.

Mrs. H:      I will man. Just had to laugh. Why did you wife lock you up? Don’t answer that i’ll be there in a few minutes.

Another round of waiting is over and it was time for me to leave that stinking place. It was a new day it seems when I was permitted to leave that place but it was itching me that I might have to go back for one reason or the other. But the problems seems to be just about to start.

Mrs. H:      There is no restraining order but you are not allowed to go to your home as long as your wife and or stepdaughter is there.

Me:            This shit is crazy…

Mrs. H:      What really happened?

Me:            When you sent me home on Friday, I got a flat tyre, robbed, had to go to the river for water and after all that i reached home and my wife was fucking someone in our bed.

Mrs H:      I heard all that. How did the arrest come into play?

Me:            What the fuck! Who told you all that so quick. I haven’t even got out yet and the story is already out?

Mrs. H:      come on, what happened? Did you really threaten her and her daughter?

Me:            No, I did no such thing. All I did was walked away from her because I was so confused. It was something that I did not expect to happen to us. We had a good thing going.

Mrs. H:      Well, you will have to stay with me for a while.

Me:            So can we at least pick up some things from my place?

Mrs. H:      As long as none of them are there you can.

Me:            What the hell am I going to do?

Mrs. H:      Come on, you drive.

We left the Police Station and though confused and homeless, I was happy. I felt like a burden was lifted from my shoulders and with Mrs H helping me and trying to keep me upbeat I was smiling like a little kid in an apple store.

About 5:26Pm, we were at an intersection and the light went on green and I drove off slowly. About two to three minutes later there were cops ahead and I was pulled over.

Mrs. H:      Switch!

Me:            What?

Mrs. H:      Switch places now, unless you want to go back to jail. Switch now.

We did the switch without being seen. The regular formalities were done and we were off again before long. Mrs. H was driving and going pretty fast so I asked her to slow a bit because I was not in any hurry. She did but that is her natural speed, hence, why she had earlier asked me to drive. She knows my usual complaint.

We finally arrived at my place (well, it used to be) and found a dead cop on the floor of my bedroom.