Can You See Me?

beautiful man
i don't know the answer
i used to think no, probably not, whatever, but it's all fun
now i'm not so sure, I'm really not so sure
three days of big highs, blinding intimacy,
stomach flipping, eyes gazing, hand holding time,
But do we have enough to talk about?
Are you capable of seeing the sides of me that need seeing, that need expressing?
will I be forever trying to express myself but falling on deaf ears?

I know that you cannot possibly know every side of me, just like I can't know every side of you...
But how much not knowing is too much?
How much can I tolerate?
If I stayed with you would I be settling?
Am I ready to settle?
But love grows in so many ways
takes so many shapes
there's some serious meat here to chew on for sure
there's some heft to this thing that is created between you and me
there's something with a sturdy handle to hold onto

What if choosing you will mean choosing the path of my life?
No camping?
Nor germs?
Can you understand that financial security is not the only thing I worry about?
That I can go down a rabbit hole that all the money in the world can't fix?
You've only known me happy so far....
Maybe I will prove to be too much
I don't think you've learned what it is to hate yourself
I hope you never do
you are so remarkably free from the poison that haunts so much of society
that haunts me
you have your own poison of course
but you are so free, so innocent in a way of some of the deadliest tonics that I've been fed,
that I've ingested and digested
How can you hold me when you cannot even conceive of my demons?
Or my angels?
Can you see what I see?
Can you see me??