A sign of things to come Prt.2

She pushed me and looked at me in shock..
'Sorry, I.. I can't have this right now..'
I teared up and my heart dropped,
But why? I asked.
'I just need some time to think.
I'm not throwing this all away, but I just can't be with you in that way at the moment.'
She cried, she cried so hard my heart broke.
I said sweetie, I just can't do without you.
I thought you made my depression worse with yours..
But when we lay in bed and you kiss me,
Every bad thing in head fades and all I can think of is you. I love you..

'No you don't.'
She sighed as she looked away.
It hurted me to the point that I just couldn't walk, breathe, or even think clearly.
She continued crying 'what says you won't leave me again? I just need a little time to get my head straight.'

Maria.. I..
That's when I broke.
I bursted into tears and I couldn't stop.
I tried getting the words out..

I want to spend my life with you,
the rest of it.
'Listen sweetie, I want to tell you this so you won't find out eventually or think I'm going behind your back.. just don't be mad okay?'

I prepared for the worst.
'Last weekend I met this girl.. Cheryl..
And she was so amazing and spontaneous.
I really want to go on a date with her.
Get to know her better, you know?
She isn't looking for a relationship or anything.
So next week we're going out for coffee.
That's fine, right? I mean LOOK AT HER.'

She showed me a picture...
God she was beautiful.
My fists clenched and my smile ran away from my face as a fit of rage filled my body.
Trembling, staring and breathing heavily.
Tears filled my squint, bloodshot eyes.

I was nothing compared to her.
I had felt like a piece of paper out of an old book.
Ripped apart and thrown away..

I had been replaced.