deepundergroundpoetry.com
Rain Rain Go Away
A night like any other
Dad drives you and mom to the grocery store
Though tonight
The air is thick and heavy
Dripping with something
Anticipation hangs in the air
Energy thrumming through your veins
The rain gets heavier and
Faster faster faster FASTER
You put in both headphones and still hear it
Still feel it
Thudding against the roof
Sliding down the windows
When dad rolls his window down.
The wind blows the rain into the backseat
Misting your face
Close your eyes,
Open your eyes and smell the muggy mid spring air
The night is warm and stagnant
Lightning flashes across the sky
More frequent
Getting closer
Brighter
Every second
The thunder that follows is so frequent and close together
It feels like a constant rumble
You can remember the last time it rained
And you think
Of the rainy summers
And of the
Dry cracked earth of the
Droughts you know too well
And you breathe in the fresh wet air
And the night is thick and heavy
And then
In that moment
You wish the rain would stay.
Dad drives you and mom to the grocery store
Though tonight
The air is thick and heavy
Dripping with something
Anticipation hangs in the air
Energy thrumming through your veins
The rain gets heavier and
Faster faster faster FASTER
You put in both headphones and still hear it
Still feel it
Thudding against the roof
Sliding down the windows
When dad rolls his window down.
The wind blows the rain into the backseat
Misting your face
Close your eyes,
Open your eyes and smell the muggy mid spring air
The night is warm and stagnant
Lightning flashes across the sky
More frequent
Getting closer
Brighter
Every second
The thunder that follows is so frequent and close together
It feels like a constant rumble
You can remember the last time it rained
And you think
Of the rainy summers
And of the
Dry cracked earth of the
Droughts you know too well
And you breathe in the fresh wet air
And the night is thick and heavy
And then
In that moment
You wish the rain would stay.
Published 18th May 2016
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19th May 2016 9:22pm
Really lovely. You have a knack of putting your readers right in the midst of wherever you want them - I felt the air laden with moisture, the wind and the rain. The farther I read, the more I liked it, and that last line was a perfect ending.
A couple of things, and they are only suggestions to think about:
- You might consider changing the second line to: driving to the grocery store ; I think that would make the poem even more universal
- In the same vein, I was slightly bothered by the "you"; second person POV is a bit awkward and harder to write in - in this case, it had the effect of distancing me from the narrator rather than what I imagine you wanted (and achieved by the end), which is to put the reader in the shoes of the narrator. In this case, first person would work better, IMO, but the "I" would be ageless and fit any reader if you took out the references to Mom and Dad.
I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
A couple of things, and they are only suggestions to think about:
- You might consider changing the second line to: driving to the grocery store ; I think that would make the poem even more universal
- In the same vein, I was slightly bothered by the "you"; second person POV is a bit awkward and harder to write in - in this case, it had the effect of distancing me from the narrator rather than what I imagine you wanted (and achieved by the end), which is to put the reader in the shoes of the narrator. In this case, first person would work better, IMO, but the "I" would be ageless and fit any reader if you took out the references to Mom and Dad.
I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
